Measuring Success in Life

Then someone called from the crowd, "Teacher, please tell my brother to divide our father's estate with me."

Jesus replied, "Friend, who has made me a judge over you to decide such things as that?" Then he said, "Beware! Guard against every kind of greed.  Life is not measured by how much you own."

Then he told them a story, "A rich man had a fertile farm that produced fine crops.  He said to himself, 'What should I do? I don't have room for all my crops.' Then he said, 'I know! I'll tear down my barns and build bigger ones. Then I'll have room enough to store all of my wheat and other goods. And I'll sit back and say to myself, 'My friend, you have enough stored away for years to come.  Now take it easy! Eat, drink and be merry!"

"But God said to him, 'You fool! You will die this very night. Then who will get everything you worked for?'

"Yes, a person is a fool to store up earthly wealth but not have a rich relationship with God."

-- Luke 12:13-21

I recently listened to a sermon on this verse, and then today I came across it during my morning study.  I find that when I start to see a common message pop up in my life its because the Spirit is working on me.

I am not a man in pursuit of monetary wealth.  I am a realist, and I understand that I have not ventured into a profession that is going to allow me the luxuries that come with massive levels of money.  But, worldly riches are not always money - we pursue comfort, status, possessions .... there are idols all around us calling to us with their siren songs.  Jesus told the man to beware against every kind of greed, and that is much more difficult than watching out for the very minimal chance that I will get a Scrooge McDuck style swimming pool in my lifetime.

With that in mind, I asked myself the following two questions (to which I already knew the answer):

1. How much of my time and effort do I place into my own advancement?

2. Do I pray for God to use me for His plan, or do I pray for God to do my will for my own purpose?

I realize that my focus is very often on my life, my goals, my hopes.  I do my best to set up a target, and then try to convince God that its in both of our best interest for that target to be met as quickly as possible.  Enlisting God to be our life assistant is easy - often futile, but easy.

I pray for God to help me reach the feet of my idols, and I get frustrated when I find that He does not lead me there.  After all, earlier in Luke it says, Keep on asking and you will receive. So, when I ask and ask for something why doesn't it happen?  My guess is because what I want is not something that I need at this point.  What I need is what He is providing today, what I need is more of His Spirit, what I need is less of my will and more of His.

Many people say, "Who will show us better times?"

Let your face smile on us, Lord.

You have given me greater joy

than those who have abundant harvests of

grain and new wine.

In peace I will lie down and sleep

for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe.

-- Psalm 4:6-8

I need to continually examine my motivations.  Am I submitting to God, or am I trying to submit him to me?  Am I saying "thy will be done?" or am I pushing him to say that to me?  Only one of these will ever lead to life.  The road to that life will most likely be full of discomfort, challenge, and even pain, but there is life at the end.

"The seed that fell among the thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life's worries, riches and pleasure, and they do not mature.  But the seed on the good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop." -- Luke 8:14-15

The thorns of life's worries are easily the biggest threat in my life.  Concerns over work, money, and my circumstances make so much noise that I often focus completely on myself and lose focus on what matters.  I focus on the thorns, and then pray for God to use them for my good.  It seems so ridiculous when I type it out, but when I am in the moment of the crucible, it seems so easy.

God is not mine to use.  He bought me - not the other way around.  He paid my price, He made a way for me to be in communion with Him.  It is not because of anything that I have done or will ever do that I am able to run to Him when I am hurting.

My prayer today is that I will continually move from self-focused prayer to selfless prayer.  That my motivations would be for His will to be done, His life to manifest in mine, that my heart would submit to His will, and that my days would be lived in thankful service to the One who bought me at the greatest price.

Walking Uphill

"And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for.  Keep on seeking, and you will find.  Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks, receives.  Everyone who seeks, finds.  And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened."
      -- Luke 11:9-10

Most of my posts have been epiphanies, but today starts at 100% struggle.  I've been on the fence about posting this one, but I realized that the purpose of my blog is to speak to my entire walk, and part of any walk is the struggle - its not all downhill.

I don't know how to understand this verse.  How does this verse mesh with the reality that we do not always get what we ask for?  We can pray and pray for something and sometimes the answer is "No."  Sometimes the answer is silence on the other side of the door. 

How do that reality and this verse meet in a place that does not contradict? 

I don't know the answer to that, and I'm hoping that my typing will bring me to a place where my heart is at least at rest in my uneasiness.  It is easier for me to organize my thoughts this way, so my prayer is God uses this to bring my thoughts into order and soothe my frayed nerves.

So, here we go ....

God is not a magical wish granting genie; He is our Father.  When my kids ask me for something that is unhealthy or dangerous I'm not going to give it to them no matter how often they ask.  They may really want to eat marshmallows for dinner, but I know that they need nutrients, so that's what I'm going to give them.  They may not like it, but it is what their bodies need to grow.

So, what exactly did Jesus mean when he said if we ask we will receive what we ask for?  In that question lays my conundrum: I don't feel like what I'm asking Him for is the equivalent of a marshmallow dinner, but what I'm asking for seems to get further and further away.  Instead of hoping for my request to be granted; I feel my heart lowering the expectations and resigning.  Is that what is supposed to happen?  I'm still hopeful and I'm still asking, but I'm preparing my heart for the door to remain closed.  Instead of praying for my hope to be fulfilled, I'm praying more and more that my heart be okay with the possibility that the promotion will not come and that we will be Coloradans for a long time.

I know that God will provide - I do not doubt that.  But I am not currently finding hope in the promise at the top of the post.

 

Lord, hear my prayer!

Listen to my plea!

Don't turn away from me

in my time of distress.

Bend down to listen,

and answer me quickly when I call to you.

For my days disappear like smoke,

and my bones burn like red-hot coals.

My heart is sick, withered like grass,

and I have lost my appetite.

Because of my groaning,

I am reduced to skin and bones.

I am like an owl in the desert,

like a little owl in a far-off wilderness.

I lie awake,

lonely as a solitary bird on the roof.

My enemies taunt me day after day.

They mock and curse me.

-- Psalm 102: 1-8

 

This is more in line with how I feel right now.  The walk is uphill.  The waves are crashing all around me, and the boat seems so very far away.

 

I feel like I should not have these struggles and doubts.  I feel like I need to put my chin up, push this all down, adjust my expectations / hopes and be happy.  I connect struggles with weakness, and my guess is this is not healthy.  When my kids are afraid I do not tell them to suck it up - I comfort them, I hold them, I protect them, I let them know how much they are loved.  Yet, in my heart I admonish myself for needing these things from my Father.

 

Maybe its not a matter of adjusting my hopes, but of running to my Father when I am afraid. 

 

I do feel frustration with my current situation.  The circumstances around us are not lining up with the plan.  But I am confident that God has us in His hand.  I have to remind myself that He answers in His own time, in his own way, according to His glory.  And maybe that's where my prayer needs to rest. 

 

 

Accept the way God does things,

for who can straighten what he has made crooked?

Enjoy prosperity while you can,

but when hard times strike, realize that both come from God.

Remember that nothing is certain in this life.

-- Ecclesiasties 7:13-14

 

 

 



 

We are currently moving into becoming foster parents.  We are taking the first steps toward opening our hearts and home to a child in need of safety.  This is not the door I've been knocking on, but it has a promise of life.  It has a promise of so much more life than anything I can create on my own.

 

The "plan" was always ours, but it was never promised by God.  We have told God that we are His to use as He sees fit, but we always hang onto our plan.  This walk is a continual exercise in letting go and trusting.

 

Immediately after the verse at the top Jesus went onto the one below:

 

"You fathers - if your children ask for a fish, do you give them a snake instead?  Or if they ask for an egg, do you give them a scorpion?  Of course not!  So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him."

   -- Luke 11:11-13

 

The Father will give us His Spirit.  This answer is better than any of our wishes.  This is the answer that will bring us to life regardless of our circumstances.  I will have frustrations, and doors may not open when I knock, but He will always be there with me. 

 

I still feel uneasy, I don't think that's a bad thing.  God is okay with my fears and unease - He can handle it.  In fact, I think there are times when we are supposed to be uneasy.  If things were always good, we would be less inclined to seek the comfort of our Father.  Good and bad times come from God, and it is for His glory that He sets our path.

 

Father, I trust in your provision.  I ask for your Spirit to guide my steps.  May my prosperity and struggles all be used to your glory. 

 

I trust in you O my God.



Focus on the Waves

So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus.  But when he saw the strong wind and waves, he was terrified and began to sink. "Save me, Lord!" he shouted.

 

 

Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. "You have so little faith," Jesus said. "Why did you doubt me?"

 

 -- Matthew 14:29-31

 

The theme of walking in faith continues to have precedent in my life right now.  Stormy seas are terrifying - the ocean has a way of telling you, "You are not welcome here, but now that you are here, you aren't getting out".  The waves beat you over the head, they push you under, and the rip of each wave pulls you away from the shore and into the landing zone of the next wave.  During the pounding of an angry sea we realize how very small and fragile we are.  We realize that we are at the mercy of a force of nature that can swallow us without pause.

 

This last year I've been focused on the waves, and I have been afraid.  And in this fear I began to sink which increased my fear and self-centered focus.  He did not make us move to Colorado - it was our choice.  He made the move easier for us than it should have been, but at no point did He force us to step out of the safety of the known.  When we asked Him, He allowed us to step toward Him, and He made a way for us to do it.

 

As soon as we got out of our boat we began to focus on our challenges, we began to focus on the instability of our situation, we focused on the difficulties, and not on the amazing provision He was offering us all the while.

 

This year is about letting go of that fear, and trusting in the hand of the Lord.  This year is about walking in faith on the path that He allowed us to step into.  We don't know what is going to come next, and the waves have not stopped.  We are not in a place of safety and stability.  It feels like the storm has subsided some, but we know that a single wave can come and smash the calm.

 

It is not about the storm though, it is about living in the adventure He has for us.  The storm is going to come, and we cannot control that.  We can only control our response to it.  Are we going to allow our fear to paralyze us, or are we going to keep our eyes on the One who has authority over everything?

 

 

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High

    will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty

This I declare about the Lord:

    He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;

    he is my God, and I trust him.

                                 -- Psalm 91:1-2

 



 

Storms can be terrifying, but they are also the source of my greatest earthly joy outside of my family. 

 

 

 

Surfing is a large part about taking a healthy fear of the ocean, and stepping right onto that line to enter communion with the most powerful force on earth.  There are terrors all around, but there is indescribable joy that cannot be found on the safety of the shore.

 

Life as promised by Jesus is not about safety; it is a call to step into challenges, it is a call to step out into the unknown and walk with him through the depths that would swallow us whole.

 

Then he said to the crowd, "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me.  If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it.  But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.  And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost or destroyed?"

  -- Luke 9:23-25
 

 

 







Hanging onto my F-E-A-R

"Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,'  but not do what I say? ..."  - Luke 6:46

Jesus used this question to lead into the analogy of building a house on a foundation of sand or rock.  The house built on the sand was destroyed in the first storm that came along, while the house built on the solid foundation was safe when adversity came along.

It seems obvious to say that it is a good idea to build a house on the solid foundation, so why would anyone ever build their foundation on shifting sand?

In my heart the answer is F-E-A-R

 

 

Fear of the unknown, fear of discomfort, fear of sacrifice.  I cry to the Lord when I face these things, but I fear he will call me into them.  And so, I pray with an agenda - not truly seeking his will and guidance, but for him to speed me along to my goal.

 

"There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God,

'Thy will be done,' and those to whom God says, in the end, 'Thy will be done.'"

C.S. Lewis; The Great Divorce

 

The question that comes from this is: where does my faith actually lie? If my prayer is for my will to be done am I submitting to the one I call Lord?  The answer would seem to be "no."

 

To call him Lord and do what he says is to move into dangerous waters.  He calls us to sacrifice.  He calls us to love.  He calls us to trust completely.  He calls us to place our fears into His hands, and embrace that which our selfish nature would rather avoid.  Not for our own sake, but so His will would be done on earth as it is in Heaven.

 

I struggle with praying "holy" prayers.  I do not want to admit my selfish fears to the Lord, because I know that they are not where He wants my heart to be.  Today I realized that this is actually me clinging onto the protection of my fears.  I don't want to let them go; in a twisted way, they comfort me.  I have been hanging onto my anxiety over the unknown future because in my imagined future is a world shaped by my current circumstances - and that is the foundational sand that Jesus spoke about.

 

- What if He wants us to stay here?

- What if my store ruins my career plans?

- What if we never are more financially secure than we are now?

- What if, what if, what if?

 

I have worries about unknown scenarios that rely on multiple other unknown scenarios to take place before I even get to the cross-road that I worry about: I worry about not getting a promotion for a posting that does not exist.  I worry that this non-existent posting will take us to an unknown place that will be difficult for our family.

 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus -- Philippians 4:6-7

 

I am praying that I will move away from my will, and working on submitting to His.  This morning I laid out my fears, and will continue to do so, until I can really let them go. 

 

I want to look for the life He has for me today.  If He calls us to be here; I want to embrace the reason behind it.  If He calls us to be financially tight and use our resources to make a home where kids in need of love can find it; I want to embrace that opportunity.  If my career plan is simply a means to get me to a place where I trust Him completely; I want to embrace that security in Him and release the anxiety over my plan.

 

I am not there yet.  I can feel the fear creeping up from my stomach and wrapping its fingers around my lungs.  I begin to run through the well rehearsed laundry list - like a kid rubbing the corners of a well loved blanket.  My fears have been my companion, they have been a warped comfort blanket during those sleepless nights.  But my prayer is that I will let them go, and move into His peace.

 

By not praying my fears I have been holding them.  I need freedom from my fears, so the Peace of the Lord can take their place.  I need to release them, over and over again until they do not return.

 

 

 

My prayer is that He will help me to release my fears into His control.  My prayer is that His will be done in this home, that we would become a family that completely trusts in His provision, and makes our plans based on His desires.

 

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

 

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

 

-- Ephesians 3:16-21



What Will Happen Tomorrow

James 4:13-15

Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.  What is your life?  You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.  Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." 

Colorado Springs.

September 21, 2013 saw us arrive in town full of confidence that we knew what we were doing.  We were going to be here for a year, we were going to fix the broken stores, we were going to get ready for my promotion, and we were going to get out of here.

We knew this would be a challenge, but we were confident that God was moving us here for a reason.  We had no idea how challenging the year would be though - probably a good thing since I don't know if we would have come had we known what was in store:

 

 - #1 Retail crime market in the United States

 - #1 Theft store in the #1 retail crime market in the United States

 - 3 dead cars

 - 1 set of Frozen Pipes

 - 1 Passive Aggressive HOA

 - Transferred from the #1 theft store to the NEW #1 theft store

 - 3 oral surgeries

 - 2 big cat sicknesses

 

These things were not part of the plan.  We were looking to go to Seattle, and the door opened here.  Our home sold in 4 hours.  We found a place to live in 6 hours.  Every crisis we encountered, every fleece we laid, was answered perfectly.  This was supposed to be easy because we were walking in faith.

 

I guess God didn't get the memo that it was supposed to be easy.

 

 

 

 

This year has been a lesson in faith, and reliance on His provision.  We have faced crisis after crisis where the solution came only from admitting that we had no answer.  We have struggled through doubt, frustration, anger, depression with wave after wave of issues.  Each time we begin to place a little bit of faith in our own strength we are humbled.  And through this frustration God has brought us into His peace.

 

"Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own.  But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" - Philippians 3:13-14

 

With all of the difficulties we've faced, I have no doubt that this is where God wants us to be for this season.  Had we been anywhere else; we would need to live as a two income family, and this year has been a blessing for Kate and the kids.  The external theft experience I am getting here is second to none (way to go Colorado Springs - You are #1!!).  I am in the number one customer / thief traffic store in Colorado, and am diving into mentoring and coaching while facing a huge pile of obstacles.  I was put into a store that was completely broken, and God was able to use my strengths to help heal and build a sustaining culture that will see that team succeed at some point in time.  None of these blessings would have happened anywhere else.

 

Last week I was at a low regarding work: the thieves are winning, my numbers are horrible, inventory is coming and it will not be pretty.  I began to worry that I committed career suicide by coming here.  My goal was to get some experience, fix some stores, and get promoted - but now the concern is this market will bury me and in so doing; strand us here.  Then I prayed.

 

I felt a peace and whisper come over me saying; "Child, I brought you here.  I opened this window, and I have you.  My purpose may not be yours, but I will not abandon you."  And that was it.  Peace. 

 

I don't know if we will get the promotion.  I don't know if the theft of Colorado Springs will stop my career aspirations in their tracks.  I don't know what will happen tomorrow.  But I do know that God made the way, He has us, He has us.  We are here for His purpose, and it may have nothing to do with our goals, but it is for our good.

 

 

 

 

 

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. - Romans 15:13

 





Adventures in Parenting

Daddy, I'm freezing

Daddy, I'm hungry

I have to go poop

I'm tired

Help me

Get me

Give me

Give me

Give me

NOW!

 

 

Parenting.  It is not an easy job.  The hours are long, the customers are demanding, and there is always something that needs to be done.  There are times when I feel like pulling my hair out before I even have a chance to get out of bed.  But I love them - and I would not trade a single second of the time I get to spend with my two beautiful kids.  I provide for my kids (sometimes with an exaggerated eye roll), then go onto my adult day.  Sometimes this adult day begins with a prayer, that often looks something like this:

 

Father, I need money

Father, I need guidance

I'm tired

Help me

Get me

Give me

Give me

Give me

NOW!

Amen

 

 



 

 

I have to admit, my prayers are often very much like the cries from my children.  I usually close my eyes and give god my wish list.  I remind God of those things that I've already told him I want and have not yet received, add a few other items to the list, then when everything is out I say amen, and go back to my world of selfish ambition.  My prayer time is not about cultivating relationship with my Father, it is about getting what is mine and moving on.  It is about voicing my fears, my wishes, and (what I perceive to be) my needs.

 

God loves us exactly where we are, but he also desires that we learn and grow - just like I want my children to mature and develop from immaturity into maturity.  I love the phases my kids are in, but I celebrate each baby step toward adulthood.  I look forward to the day when we can sit at a table as equals, and have a real substantial conversation.  And, I think that's a tiny glimpse of God's desire for us - will we ever be equals?  No, but we do not have to be perpetually stuck in toddlerhood.

 

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.  When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

    - 1 Corinthians 13:11

 

What does maturity in God look like?  I believe it is a picture of love.  When we move into maturity we are less concerned with ourselves, and more concerned with loving others.  We put our needs aside, and make others our priority.  We begin to be a reflection of the love that God offers us.  We accept people for who they are, and we love them without agenda - just like God loves us.

 

Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails ...

   - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

 

I have been working on moving away from acting like a child.  That I would move away from focusing on my desires, and into true relationship with this Love that is mine.

 

My prayer is that each of us would have the courage to move deeper into relationship with him.  There is risk involved in this because love is not easy, but it is good.  My kids will have to take risks to grow up - they will have their hearts broken, and they will earn their scars, but these growing pains are just part of the maturing process.  In the same way the spiritual life will result in pains and hurts, but they are necessary for maturity.  People will always let us down, and the more we make ourselves available to them, the more we open ourselves up to their hurts.  But, if we focus only on ourselves we cannot love others, if we do not make ourselves vulnerable we can never show God's love because he made himself ultimately vulnerable through Jesus.  Jesus loved us perfectly.  Think about what this looked like ... chew on it and let his example soak in.  This is what we are called to do - to love the world with all of our hearts, minds, and souls.  We cannot do this when we think as toddlers, so we must be willing to go through the maturing process in order to truly enter into the fullness of life that He has for us.



The Daily Walk

A few years back, our pastor Curt Brunk, introduced us to the practice of SOAP journaling.  The practice is pretty simple, and gives a great format for Bible study.  SOAP is an acronym for Scripture, Observation, Application, Prayer.  Start with a scripture, then look at what is being said, next ask how does that apply to my life, finally write a prayer based on what the verse is saying to you.

I've decided to put some of my entries out on the web.  My hope is that it will inspire someone else to begin taking the time to begin journaling, and will maybe give someone the structure that they need.  I love journaling my walk.  If I read a verse and don't write my thoughts out it passes through me like a dream, but when I write it down it becomes more solid in my daily walk.  I think it is the act of involving reading, writing, and speaking (prayer) that writes the verse into my heart - the more active you can be, the deeper the impression.

These entries are pulled directly from my latest study journal (my old one is still back in Wenatchee), so they are pictures into where my walk was at that date, and what God shared with my soul.  My idea is to just put somewhere around 5 entries online at a time, so here goes:

Date: 12-11-12
S: Mark 14:36: "Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you.  Take this cup from me.  Yet not what I will, but what you will."

O: Jesus knew what was coming.  He prayed that God would spare him the pain, but he did not waiver in his obedience.

A: What is in it for me?  Far too often that is where my thoughts go.  I place up my hand and choose to tell God, "That's far enough."  God does not promise earthly comforts or wealth.  By placing my own interests first I place myself first - I am the sinner.

P: Father, I am selfish - I am short sighted - I am the sinner.  Please forgive me - please use me for your Plan.  I place my hope and trust in the Lord God Almighty.  Who was, and is, and is to come.  May your kingdom reign and your will be done.  - Amen
- - - - - - - - -

Date: 12-12-12
S: Mark 14:64-65: "You have heard the blasphemy.  What do you think?" They all condemned him as worthy of death.  Then some began to spit at him; they blindfolded him, struck him with their fists, and said, "Prophesy!" And the guards took him and beat him.

O: And so begins the greatest act of Love.

A: I am those fists.  I am those hateful shouts.  Nothing I can ever do can take that away.  Yet, because of this incomprehensible love I am forgiven.  The weight of grace is fare too light in my life.  My actions do not reflect the cost paid for me to be a son.

P: Lord, I pray that my life, my energy, and my legacy would reflect the price paid.  My life was not free, and for me to hold that it was freely bought is another slap to your son's face.  Let my heart turn to you.  May my body be yours.  I ask you to move in me and transform me as you will. - Amen
- - - - - - - -

Date: 12-13-12
S: Mark 14:71: He began to call down curses on himself, and he swore to them, "I don't know this man you are talking about."

O: Despite his oaths and confidence, Peter turned on his lord when fear overtook him.  But Jesus and God did not falter in their Love for Peter.

A: I constantly fail - and I try to fix it.  God knows me better than I know myself (because I lie to myself constantly).  He does not expect me to come to Him perfected.  He has me flawed and He will make me perfect in His perfect way.

P: Lord, I have denied you more times than I can count.  Yet you love me.  You have not denied me.  I pray for strength to stand firm on your rock.  I thank you for grace incomprehensible. - Amen
- - - - - - -

Date: 12-16-12
S: Mark 15-15: Wanting to satisfy the crowd, Pilate released Barabbas to them.  He had Jesus flogged, and handed him over to be crucified.

O: Pilate knew Jesus was innocent, but he gave into the Jewish leaders to pacify them.

A: I have chosen to do what I know to be wrong in order to satisfy others. I have given into pressures and perceived pressures instead of acting in a way that I know to be right.  Being a coward is often easier than being brave.

P: Father, I am the sinner.  I have pushed your voice down so I could do wrong.  I pray for your forgiveness and thank you for the grace you offer.  I am truly not worthy - yet you love me.  I pray for transformation from a being of fear to one of light and courage - shaped in your likeness.  - Amen
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Date: 12-23-12
S: 1 Corinthians 3:21-23: So then, no more boasting about men! All things are yours, whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future - all are yours, and you are of Christ, an Christ is of God.

O: Paul urged the Corinthians to remove all items that caused division.  The world, life, death, present or future - all are unknowns that we use to put others down, and build ourselves up.  Paul says that we are all level in Christ, as we are all children with God's inheritance.

A: As God's child I need to worry less about my situation, and worry more about my brothers and sisters.  The God of all has called me to Him! That is all I should ever boast of.

P: Father, forgive me for the pride and division that come so easily.  Help me to see with new eyes - to hear with open ears.  To pour my energies out instead of in.  Your love, your plan, is more than I could ever hope for.  Please do not let me forget. - Amen

Date: 12-26-12
S: 1 Cor: 4:4: My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent.  It is the Lord who judges me.

O: Paul tells us that though he is forgiven he is not innocent before the Lord.  He also reminds us that our opinion of ourselves is not relevant - only God is the judge of all.

A: My sins are forgiven only by grace.  I cannot "good" them away.  I must remember that I am not a judge and I don't get to say a thing about eternal affairs because I am not qualified to run my own life.  Humility needs to be a constant focus.

P: Father, I praise you for grace undeserved.  Thank you for forgiveness.  Please help me to remember that I am free because of you.  Because you chose to take my place.  I am only alive when I die into you.  Please help me to chose your life every day.  - Amen