Driving Myself Into Dead Ends

''I want the world. I want the whole world. I want to lock it all up in my pocket. It's my bar of chocolate. Give it to me now." - Veruca Salt; Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)

I am not a patient man.  I have heard it said that our entire generation wants everything now - I don't know about that, but I know that impatience has been a trait of mine for as long as I can remember.  I want results now, and if I can't get them I will either figure out a way to rush the system or I will look for something that will get me results quicker.  I don't like the growing process; I want fruit all of the time.  This impatience has applied to my work, my finances, and my spiritual life.

I do not like the growth phases of life - it feels like I am going nowhere, and so I try to rush the process along.

 

I have slowly come to realize the folly of this thought process.  It has caused me much more harm than good, and has often resulted in me setting myself back further than I would have been had I let the growing process take its course.  In my rush to get what I deserve, I position myself in a way that is much worse than where I was.  If this was a one-time thing I would not be so concerned, but it has been a life-long pattern that I cannot brush off.  It has been a distinct lack of maturity that has resulted in my life being built on shifting sand.

The most obvious result of this impatience setting me back has been in my jobs.  I had several very good positions in excellent companies, but I was always looking for that better opportunity.  I fueled myself with the belief that I was under-appreciated, underutilized, and under-compensated.  I created a vain two-headed monster: first, the monster of discontent, and second, the monster of self-superiority.  Because I nurtured and listened to these two ugly thoughts, I jumped jobs when I should have stayed and put myself into positions far worse than the ones I'd just left.  I also missed out on getting to know some truly exceptional people because I was too busy looking down on them - I wish I could go back and fix that, but time only moves one way.

Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), this monster of impatience did not check itself at the door when I returned to church.  After only a month back in the church, I began looking at other people's faiths and seeing the specks in their eyes.  It was easy to see the weaknesses of others, and by looking at those, it was easy to make myself feel good about my strength.  I began to feel like I should be volunteering, and being recognized for the strength of my faith.  I hadn't started praying, and I was not working to build my faith on the rock - I was just better than those other people and wanted the recognition due me.  I volunteered in positions that felt empty to me, but I was doing them because I knew it would lead to my recognition.  When it did not come I felt slighted.

Then, something happened; I took a look in the mirror and saw that I was building my faith on me.  I was not seeking God, I was not interested in repenting, I was placing all of my confidence and hope in the idol of Mark.  At that moment, when the veil was finally pulled, I had my first moment of spiritual vulnerability and was rocked to my core.  I apologized to God - over and over - then I allowed Him to forgive me.  In the past I held the responsibility; if I was going to come to God it would happen on my terms.  I realized that I did not need to be anything more than me in order to be in His love, and the less I tried to do for Him, the more He was able to do through me.

God is amazing.  He works through us to further His kingdom.  He loves us exactly as we are.  We do not have to impress God (we can't), we do not have to meet any certain criteria to come to Him - we only have to acknowledge that He is God and we are not.  We have to come to understand that there is nothing that we can do to earn His love - yet He loves us more deeply than we can understand.

It is so much easier to see weakness in another than it is to dive into ourselves, but that is not where God wants us to go.  We are called to be self-examining and to love others.  We are called to extend grace and acceptance with an understanding that each person who claims Christ is called to work out their own salvation with the King.  We are called to be humble, to build up those who the world puts down, to love our enemies, and lay our lives down for those we love.  We are not called to make ourselves feel better about our standing with the Lord.

Then his disciples began arguing about which of them was the greatest.  But Jesus knew their thoughts, so he brought a little child to his side.  Then he said to them, “Anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me also welcomes my Father who sent me. Whoever is the least among you is the greatest.” - Luke 9: 46-48

As I grow in Him, I worry less and less about how I am received by men.  The irony is that as I've learned to focus less on my accomplishments, God has placed me in situations where I am accomplishing more and more. 

Whenever my pride starts to raise its head, or I hear that voice urging me to grasp for more, I am reminded of the ransom paid for my life.  I am reminded that I am nothing without Him and that He is utterly complete without my contributions.  I am patient in the Lord because the victory is already won.  There is no better to get to - it is here with us.  We can only go deeper into His love and that cannot happen by our wills - only by His grace. 

Tonight I will close with some Paul followed by some Toby Mac.

Thanks for reading.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.  But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.  - Philippians 3: 12-14

Easter

If you haven't watched the video - please do so before reading this entry.  It puts it into words much better than I will.

---------

 

Today is the day - this is the one that our faith hinges on.  We spend more time on other holidays; Christmas, Thanksgiving, the 4th of July, even Halloween, but this is the day that truly matters.  Without today we would have no Christmas - the others don't even register on the radar when it comes down to importance, but they get a larger slice of our attention.  Maybe its because this is a holiday that is difficult to commercialize (I mean, how far can you really push the bunny thing?).  Maybe its because of the brutality that leads up to this day.  Maybe there is a certain level of guilt because we know that our sins are why this had to happen; we get a historical picture of the wages of our sins.

I don't have an answer for why we give so little attention to Easter.  I just know that I need to change that in my heart.  Today is the day.  Today is the day that my soul was bought.  Today is the day that freedom came to this world.

For the Maker is your husband -

  the Lord Almighty is his name -

              the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;

        he is called the God of all the earth.

Isaiah 54:5

 

We are his bride. 

Think about that image for a second.  If you are married, think about your wedding day; think about the anticipation you felt, think about the awe that you experienced.  Is that how you think of Jesus?

He is our bridegroom.  He loves us more dearly than we can imagine.  He placed himself in front of our deaths.  He washed us clean and purified us with a love that we cannot understand.  He loves us with a passion and power beyond description, and far too often, we return love at our convenience - if at all.

We are thankful for his sacrifice.  We are grateful that he died in our place.  We are glad it was him and not us who went through that horrific experience.  But, if we are honest with ourselves (again, much harder than it should be), very few of us love him with the passion of a bride.

Recently, I have had these moments where I am hit by the power of His love.  A song will come on or I will have a thought, and I will be suddenly overwhelmed; my heart catches and tears fill my eyes because I see that He loves me more deeply than I understand to be possible.  These moments are beautiful - they are what I hope eternity will be.  To be in the presence of Love, forever adoring the One who loves us more purely and deeply than we can fathom ...

My prayer is that I move into love.  My heart longs to be in a place where I am in a state of anticipation to be united with the one who loves me perfectly.

Today is the day - the day when our bridegroom was crowned the King.

Holy Holy,
Holy Holy,
Holy Holy,
Is the Lord Almighty

Embracing Doubt

Those who say that they believe in God and yet neither love nor fear him, do not in fact believe in him, but in those who have taught them that God exists.  Those who believe that they believe in God, but without passion in their heart, any anguish of mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, without an element of despair even in their consolation, believe only in the God-idea, not in God.
    - Miguel de Unamuno c/o Rumors of God

(Job speaking to God)
"You asked me, 'Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance?'
It is I - and I was talking about things I knew nothing about, things far too wonderful for me."
    - Job 42:3

This has been another week of the same theme coming at me from multiple angles.  I'm learning to pay attention.

Several years ago I went through a spiritual struggle.  I walked away from the church.  I walked away from any semblance of a relationship with God.  I looked in my heart and concluded that I did not believe in God.  I believed that god was created by man as a way to explain the unexplainable in the world.

This did not come out of the blue, but was a slow drip that drained my spirit.  Before this happened I tried to be spiritual.  I tried to pray, but nothing happened.  I tried to be involved in the right groups, but felt like a hypocrite.  When I prayed I would talk and talk at God, and as far as I could tell, nothing was happening.  I was discouraged and annoyed.  I doubted God's power, his goodness, his willingness or ability to work in my little world.  Then, very slowly, I began to realize that I may have never really believed in God, but instead had believed in the idea of God.  I realized that I did not want to believe in an impotent, weakling god - yet this is exactly the god that I had constructed in my heart.  I did not worship this god, I didn't even respect it.  So I walked away.

Several years later, I felt a tug at my heart.  A whisper in my soul beckoning me.  For the first time in years I prayed - I asked God to make Himself known to me.  I asked God to tear down the false idol in my god-place and begin to reveal Himself to me.  This prayer set my spirit on a journey that has rocked me to my core - it has changed everything.  The God of the Universe, the great I AM has replaced the flaccid unrespectable deity that once loomed so large in my life.

Paul advised the Philippians to:

... continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
    - Philippians 2:12-13

Most of us treat God casually - the casual prayer thrown up right before a meal or as we drift off to sleep, well intended promises to read our Bible tomorrow (a promise we have no intention of keeping), thoughts about serving those in need ... someday.  God is not feared, God is not honored - we acknowledge Him with our lips, but most often our belief goes no deeper.  How can we claim that we truly believe in a God who literally spoke the Universe into motion, when we doubt that this same God has the ability to act in our lives?

Work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you.

God - works in you.

The God that spoke and there was light.  The God that wrote the Law that you broke.  The God who is the only authority.  The one who is I AM. 

God - works in you.

If you do not fear God, I encourage you to look at what you think you know of God.  Is your god dangerous?  Is your god powerful beyond understanding?  If you approach your god without uncertainty, without anguish, without reverence and an understanding that you do not deserve to be heard by Him, if you approach your god without love for Him because he is, then you probably need to begin wrestling with your faith. 

When I first started to question my belief in God I believed I was doomed.  I believed that there was no room for doubt in a Christian's life - doubt was what those on the path to hell do.  However, as I went through this process I began to see it in a different way: I began to understand that doubt is healthy and necessary.  I realized that doubt is better than certainty because when we doubt we are open to seeing something new, whereas when we are certain we do not look for answers because we already know them.  The road of doubt was actually the road to life.

The working out of our salivations is not an easy process, nor is it comfortable.  We have to learn to die unto ourselves.  We have to come to the point where we approach the throne of grace with fear and trembling because we understand that we are not worthy.  We have to come to a place where we accept that we are accepted not because of anything we have done, but because God made a way for us to be in relation with Him.  We have to realize that we will never understand Him - He is beyond us on every level, yet he loves us more ferociously than we can understand.  For some reason, this God of power and beauty has claimed us as His children.

My prayer is that God uses this to shake some faiths loose from the grip of comfort - that He begins to reveal himself to you in ways that you did not think possible.  My prayer is that your certainty is dislodged and that you voice your doubts to God (you cannot hurt his feelings - plus, he already knows what you are thinking).  My prayer is that we start being honest with ourselves regarding our faith, and thereby create room for God to reveal Himself to us.  My prayer is that every one of us sees God for who He is instead of what we make him to be.

What's in a Name?

You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.
  - John 14:14

I have been mulling over how to approach prayer as a topic, which is probably good since prayer is something that should be mulled over much more often than it is.  Prayer is one of our links to the Creator who allows us to call Him "Father".  It is not the only link, but it is a very important one and should receive more attention than we generally give it.

Recently, I heard someone say that they no longer believed in God because He did not answer a prayer in the way they wanted.  This is not the first time I've heard this, and so I began really thinking about prayer and our expectations. The people I've talked to believed that God did not care for them because they prayed for something and the result did not come out the way they wanted.  They used the above verse as proof that God does not keep His word.  My guess is that more than a few shaky walks have crumbled because a prayer was not answered.  If God isn't going to give us what we want why should we even bother?

I want to take a different look at this verse because I see a great deal of promise in it, but also a much larger challenge.  The first is to look at the verses leading up to this one:

Jesus answered: "Don't you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father.  How can you say, 'Show us the Father'? The words I say to you are not just my own.  Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work.  Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the miracles themselves.  I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing.  He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.  And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father.  You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."
  - John 14:9-14

When we pray, are we doing the work of the Father, or are we praying for our own gain?  Do we demonstrate our faith in Jesus by doing what he did on earth, or are we working the angles so that the final outcome is our comfort and happiness?  What does it even look like to pray like a true follower of Christ?

When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
  - James 4:3

In my own walk, I've found that I have a difficult time turning away from my wants.  I live in the prism of me, so my entire perception of the world is skewed to the single viewpoint through which I view it.  From this vantage point it makes perfect sense that my prayers should be directed back toward my own happiness.  However, this is not the example set by Jesus.  Jesus placed others first, and above all, he submitted himself to the Father's will.

Do you think Jesus the man wanted to die the way he did?  He knew what was coming (he even asked that the cup be taken from him) yet he submitted to the Father's will and paid the horrific price for our freedom.  Even as he was being suffocated on the cross his prayer was for those around him.

Contrast that to your prayer life.  Are you submitting yourself to the Father's will?  Are you seeking His guidance for your life?  Or are you, like I usually am, treating God like a haloed-Santa in the sky?  Do you spend time talking with God, listening to Him, and striving to be more like Him, or do you swing your spirit into the Drive-Through of Soul just long enough to toss out your order before you go back to life?

 

 

 

There has been one time in my life when I prayed fully in the Spirit and knew without a doubt that my prayer would be answered.  There was something different about the prayer, and about my spirit in that moment: in that moment I felt a peace and power that I did not understand; it was greater, deeper, and more peaceful than anything I'd imagined possible.  But, as soon as the moment was gone I congratulated myself on the prayer.  I allowed myself to become proud of how holy I was for that second in time.  I turned the prism back on to me and my focus moved away from God.

When Jesus taught us to pray he gave us what we now call the Lord's prayer.

Our Father, who is in Heaven; Holy is your name.  Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.  Give us this day, our daily bread (physical and spiritual), and forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.  Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.  For Yours is the Kingdom, Yours is the Power, Yours is the Glory - Forever.

Look at the structure of this prayer - who did Jesus place first?  Who's will did he place first?  Did he ask for comfort and blessings?  No, he asked for daily bread and then forgiveness.  He directed his prayer to the glory of the Father.  He turned away from himself and gave glory where glory was due.

How much more impactful would your prayer walk be if you stopped worrying about yourself and gave that time to worshiping God?  Isn't that what we are hoping for at the end of all things: the chance to be in the presence of God and sing his praises?

My prayer is that each of us turn our gaze away from ourselves, and instead turn it to the one worthy of all praise.  I am confident that if we spent our energy worshiping Him, asking for His guidance, and praying for His will, our prayers would be much more impactful in this world in need of Him.

I am going to close today's post with another quote from my favorite author, Mr. C.S. Lewis.  This quote has challenged my perception of Jesus more than any other because it is so simple, yet so profound.

“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver; “don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”  

We want Jesus to be a tame lion, we want God to be safe, we want a kitten where we have a lion.  We want Him to answer our prayer because we say it is in Jesus name, but we do not really pray in his name - we only use it as a bargaining chip. 

Jesus is not safe, he is not tame, he is not to be used as a bargaining chip, he did not come here and die so you could use him as a genie.  God spoke and there was light.  God does not cater to us.  He is entirely complete without you and without me.

But he is good.  He is the King.  Seek and you shall find, ask and the door shall be opened to you.  If we direct our attention to Him, our prayers will no longer look toward our own comforts.  Instead of our own wills, we will seek that His will be done on earth as it is done in Heaven.  Once we move beyond praying for selfish reasons; we will begin to enter into the prayer that He has for us.  Then we will begin to understand what he meant when he said:

And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father.  You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.

Stewardship - It's More Than You Think

stew·ard·ship

/ˈstuərdʃɪp, ˈstyu-/ Show Spelled [stoo-erd-ship, styoo-]  

noun

1. the position and duties of a steward, a person who acts as the surrogate of another or others, especially by managing property, financial affairs, an estate, etc.

2. the responsible overseeing and protection of something considered worth caring for and preserving

 

(Obtained from Dictionary.com)

- - - - - - - - -

 

The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it,

the world, all who live in it;

for he founded it upon the seas

and established it upon the waters.

- Psalm 24:1-2

 

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your body.

 - 1 Corinthians: 6:19-20

 

Let's start with this: God owns everything.  He created it all.  The air you breathe, the ground you walk on, the light you see, the very atoms that make you up ... God's. 

 

In this light, I've started re-examining how I treat my spiritual gifts and my physical body.  Stewardship is most often used in the context of finance, and financial stewardship is certainly a part of the whole, but it is not the whole picture.  We are called to be responsible with our money and to use it wisely, but we are also called to be responsible with our bodies, time, talents, weaknesses, and ... really, anything else you can think of.

 

God the Father has entrusted us with this time.  He has given you the gifts of your spirit and physical realm and they are yours to use as you see fit, but once you are done with them they will be returned to the owner.  So, with that in mind what are we to do with the time and talents entrusted to us?  Should we bury them out of fear that we will ruin them and anger the owner, or should we try to use them and risk making a mistake?  The answer to this question is found in the book of Matthew:

 

Matthew 25:14-28 tells the parable of the loaned money.  Jesus tells a story about a rich master who goes away on a journey.  Before he goes, he entrusts three of her servants with a small portion of his treasure.  To the first he gives five pieces of gold, to the second two, and to the third one.  The man who received the five pieces immediately invested it and he quickly doubled the investment, the man who received the two pieces did the same.  The man who received the single piece dug a hole in the ground and hid the money.

 

After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them.  The man who had received five talents brought the other five. "Master," he said, "you entrusted me with five talents.  See, I have gained five more."

 

His master replied, "Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things.  Come and share your master's happiness!"

 

The same happened with the second servant who had also doubled the portion given to him.  However, when the servant who had been granted the single talent approached:

 

"Master," he said, "I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where have not scattered seed.  So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground.  See, here is what belongs to you."

 

The master responded to this by casting the man out, taking his talent and giving it to the man who had five.

 

We are entrusted with much on this earth.  We each have been given specific talents and gifts - each according to our ability - and they are yours to use as you will.  Many people choose to live in fear and hide their talents.  This seems like the safe thing to do since we cannot ruin what we do not risk, but it is not what God wants you to do with the gifts he has given you.  He wants you to grow, he wants you to create, he wants you to build upon the greatness that he has given you.  We are responsible for the overseeing and protection of something considered worth caring for and preserving.

 

 

 

One thing to keep in mind: God has granted talents to each of us according to our ability.  He did not hand out skills to everyone in the same measure.  I've spent a good deal of time looking at the gifts of others and comparing myself to them.  When I do this I focus on what I don't have - I focus on how much better the other person is at their talent than I am.  I see the man with five talents and envy him instead of being grateful for the two granted to me.

 

For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?

 - 1 Corinthians 4:7

 

The thing to realize is that you were granted the talents that you have for a reason.  You were designed to use your gifts to the fullest of your ability, and not to worry about the gifts granted to someone else.  If you use your talents to their fullest, you will find that you will be full and will have more than enough to do.  And, as you prove faithful with the portion given you; the Father will give you more to manage.

 

Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All of these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as he determines.

- 1 Corinthians 12:7-11 (Italics added by me)

 

 

How are you managing your talents?  How are you caring for the burden allocated to you? Are you looking for ways to invest what you have to produce life?  Are you protecting that which God has deemed worth caring for and preserving?  If God were to come to you today and ask you to return His gifts would he thank you for your work?  If the answer is no, then it is time to turn that around.  The Creator of the Universe has placed inside of you gifts unique to you alone.  He has given you the mind and body necessary to multiply those gifts. 

 

You were chosen to be the steward of your gifts - God does not make mistakes, so your gifts are perfectly suited to you.  If you choose to nurture them they will be fruitful to the Glory of the Lord.

 

Let the Lord be glorified today!

Hey, Jerk! There's a speck in your eye!

Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out of your eye," when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?
- Matthew 7:1-5

I was trying to think of a topic to write about for the last couple of days and was not having much luck - then thanks to a political Facebook thread I wandered into today, I found the perfect subject: Grace and Judgement.

Facebook seems to be the place where people feel free to take what should be a private thought (some probably not even then), and place it online for the world to see.  Things that would never be said in public are fearlessly typed and posted - offense is taken and the offended person then takes their should-not-be-uttered thoughts and blasts them out into cyberspace toward the offendee.  Further offense is taken and more offense is dished out.  It quickly dissolves into a vicious circle where everyone is e-shouting and nobody is e-listening - everyone is right and everyone is wrong at the same time.

Judgment and wrath are doled out while grace (whenever offered) is usually trampled on by declarations of supremacy.

Today's thread left me feeling discouraged and sad and made me question why I even bother dipping my toe into those kinds of topics.  The question posted was actually a very thoughtful, but the answers that came pouring in were, for the most part, anything but.

The Internet seems to be a place where manors are thrown out of the window, but just because we are having a discussion online does not mean that we should feel free to de-humanize people.  As Christians we are called to love; always.  We are called to examine the situation of our own hearts before worrying about the condition of another person's life.  Look at the verse at the top again ... the measure that you use to judge will be the measure used to judge you - yikes.

Recently, I read this verse and was hit with another one of those spiritual bricks that shook my entire foundation.  I started examining the inner-thoughts and judgements in my heart and realized that I am much more flawed than I give myself credit for.  Since then, I have made it a regular point in my prayer to ask for forgiveness for judgment I pass on others.  I ask for help in identifying when the judgemental me begins to raise up, and I ask for help in muting that voice in hopes that God will transform my heart to the point where I see others through Christ's eyes instead of through my self-superior view.  I don't know if I'll ever get to a point where I am able to go through a day without this sin raising it's ugly head, but I am hopeful.  Currently I have problems with judging people who I deem to be judgemental ... hypocrite?  Yes, I am.

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness.
 - James 3:9

Only once I admitted that I was double-minded, that I was a hypocrite, that I was judgemental and self-righteous, was I able to allow God to begin working on me.  When I held onto the belief that I was okay and that I did not have a problem with judging; I put my faith in my own power, in my own pride.  This pride in turn, allowed me to feel that I was better at not judging than others - which in itself was a judgement on them.  Double-minded?  Yes, I am.

We need to confess our judgement before the Judge.  We need to admit that we are not always right.  We need to realize that the person on the other end of the blog / forum / post is a human - that they were created in God's likeness just as we were.  We need to learn to repay ugliness with kindness, judgement with forgiveness, death with life.  We must bend our knees and submit ourselves so God can work us toward the perfection that He has for us.

I am hopeful that some day I will be free from this sin.  I've admitted that I will not be able to do this on my own, but I know that God can mould me to the point where my first reaction is love and compassion. 

Some day I hope to see the world as He sees it, though I fear that my heart may break if that truly happens.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness - why do we struggle so much with offering it?  Our Father has offered us forgiveness, yet we often have trouble extending it to our fellow human beings.  We tell ourselves that there are many reasons we withhold forgiveness, but in reality the reason we hold onto hurts boils down to pride.  We feel that we are justified in holding onto our hurt, we feel that we are owed an apology, we feel that we need to stew on the bitterness because it is our due.

What if God held that same attitude toward you?  God has offered you forgiveness for your sins, so who are you to be justified in withholding forgiveness for an other's sin?  The Bible speaks over and over again about the importance of forgiveness - as followers of Christ we are called to emulate him and the Father and forgive.  We are not called to forgive when someone is sorry, but to forgive always.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
  - Matthew 6:14-15

Forgiveness is a trait of our Father and our Savior.  How could we possibly claim to be followers of God the Father and Jesus if we refuse to follow the example he set before us?  What would Jesus call us if we explained to him that we appreciate his forgiveness, but that we just can't forgive someone for their sins against us?  Hypocrite? Double minded? Sinner?  Yes, yes, and yes.

We are called to forgive. We are called to forgive lies, cheats, pains, abuses, hypocrisy, theft, even unforgivenss. Our forgiveness cannot be predicated by someone else's actions. As followers of Christ we are called to be His example to the world. As he said, we will be forgiven as we forgive. How many people have allowed their pride to separate themselves from the Love that is offered to us? We cannot be followers of Christ if we refuse to follow him. As James said:

What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him?

Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do. You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that - and shudder.
- James 2:14 , 18-19

In my life, it has been easiest to withhold forgiveness is when the person who hurt me refused to acknowledge that fact.  I've told myself, "I am not going to forgive until they apologize."  Yet that flies in the face of what Christ did for me.  Even at the point of the greatest pain of his life, he offered forgiveness to those who had no desire for it, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." - Luke 23:35

Forgiveness is a fruit of the Spirit.  Forgiveness is a sign of a follower of Christ.  As we move forward in our journey with Christ it should be something that comes easier and easier, but it will never come without some measure of pain - true life rarely does.  We have to learn to let it go, to give our hurt over to God and allow Him to take it away from us. 

If you are struggling with unforgiveness, I encourage you to pray.  Ask God to show you the splinters of bitterness that you hang onto and allow him to remove them from your heart.  When I first prayed this prayer I was amazed by the years of small hurts that I was clinging to - things I hadn't thought of in years, yet I could recall with perfect clarity because I refused to let them go.  It was a painful process, yet once it was done I felt a freedom I'd never even imagined could exist.  More amazing than the years of bitterness revealed was the lightness of my spirit once the weight of my burden was lifted.  The Freedom of Christ is truly fantastic.

For more on forgiveness and the cancer of unforgivenss I strongly recommend the book The Bait of Satan by John Bevere.  It isn't an easy read, but it will help shine a light on how destructive offense and unforgivenss are in your spirit.  I also encourage you to find a group of believers to discuss this with as talking through it can be very helpful in releasing the pains of the past.  Christ has freedom waiting for you, but you must let go of your pride and forgive as you are forgiven.  As C.S. Lewis says in The Great Divorce:

There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, 'Thy will be done,' and those to whom God says in the end, 'Thy will be done.'

As always, the choice to live in freedom is yours - what will you do with it?