-- Philippians 4:6-7
This is one of my prayer verses for 2016. I didn't want it to be. Last year's verse (Psalm 62:5-8) was also about waiting and trusting - this year's was supposed to be about acting; about getting up and running into action.
Nope.
Kate and I are ready for some action. Our plan for Colorado has come to fruition, and we are ready to move on. When we moved out here we thought 1-2 years, we'd have done what we came here to do, and it would be time to move on to the next adventure.
September was 2 years - we are still here.
In my heart and in my mind I know that God doesn't work on our time lines. He has his own plan, and it is absolutely perfect. I know this, and I know this, and I know this, BUT, I still struggle against it.
God is not still in our lives. We have so much going on that it seems crazy to be pulling for change like I am. We will be adopting two amazing girls sometime in the next couple of months. They have been with us for 9 months now, and we continue to have daily adventures in merging our family into one. Grafting is not easy - it is often painful, but it is good. This is part of God's plan - this is the most obvious part of His plan that we've been a part of; we are literally claiming these broken children as ours - just like God does with us. There is nothing that they have done to earn this spot; we proclaim belonging over them, we love and forgive them because we choose to. If that is not a lesson I don't know what is.
And yet, even as we feel that we are so obviously in the heart of a plan that is eternally bigger than ours, we yearn for the next change.
Thus the verse on rest and trust. This verse is amazing tonic for my heart:
- Don't worry about anything - instead pray about everything
Prayer has an amazing way of soothing and centering us. When we pray we lay our burdens down; when we worry we carry them. Worry takes up so much time and energy, and is completely self-centered. "What will happen to me? What will I do?" It is exhausting. God calls us to let go of the worry, and instead bring our burdens to Him.
There are times when I do not want to pray all of my needs. I want my prayers to sound holy, and have the right words, but that is not what God wants. He wants us to come to him like his children; children do not filter their words. They pour out their needs without concern for their image. They trust their parents completely and know without a doubt that their expressed needs are a priority. That is how we should approach God.
Does that mean that He will always answer our perceived needs with a "yes"? Of course not. But that does not mean that we should not continue to bring our needs to him.
- (A)nd thank him for all he has done.
This is a beautiful exercise. If we stop at bringing Him our needs we leave the conversation one-sided. When we take the time to reflect on all he has done for us our hearts begin to change. God's provision is amazing. That the creator of the universe would even deem us worthy of attention is mind-numbing; that he would declare us as heirs to his kingdom is beyond me.
It is in this thankfulness exercise that the final section of this verse comes to light:
Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
I have a feeling that things are going to shake loose this year. I am expectantly waiting on it, but I am also allowing God to do it in his time.
Last year we had a huge door close on us. We had an opportunity for a job that would have brought us back to Washington. We were in the final two, we were just at our 2 year marker, we had the girls in the home and were ready to start the adoption process. Everything in our plan was pointing perfectly at this. And the door closed.
It hurt. It hurt more than I imagined it could hurt. I felt so despondent. I felt that God owed this one, and was angry with him when it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. Then, Kate sent me the below prayer from a blog she was reading:
"Lord, I repent of it all: the expectations that kill relationships, and the entitlement that steals all joy. Please, Lord, today, make me small and surprised by staggering grace. Make me remember that humility comes before happiness."
I keep this prayer in my lunch box, and visit it regularly. I am trying to rest in his plan, and am repenting when I embrace the entitlement that steals joy. God is working. He is weaving a family together. I have no doubt that he will eventually open the promotion door, but until he does, I will enjoy the opportunities he has for us here. There is something beautiful being made, and I have allowed myself to miss too much of it because I've been focused on my desires, and not on his craftsmanship.
Make me small and surprised by staggering grace Father. Amen
