The Daily Walk

A few years back, our pastor Curt Brunk, introduced us to the practice of SOAP journaling.  The practice is pretty simple, and gives a great format for Bible study.  SOAP is an acronym for Scripture, Observation, Application, Prayer.  Start with a scripture, then look at what is being said, next ask how does that apply to my life, finally write a prayer based on what the verse is saying to you.

I've decided to put some of my entries out on the web.  My hope is that it will inspire someone else to begin taking the time to begin journaling, and will maybe give someone the structure that they need.  I love journaling my walk.  If I read a verse and don't write my thoughts out it passes through me like a dream, but when I write it down it becomes more solid in my daily walk.  I think it is the act of involving reading, writing, and speaking (prayer) that writes the verse into my heart - the more active you can be, the deeper the impression.

These entries are pulled directly from my latest study journal (my old one is still back in Wenatchee), so they are pictures into where my walk was at that date, and what God shared with my soul.  My idea is to just put somewhere around 5 entries online at a time, so here goes:

Date: 12-11-12
S: Mark 14:36: "Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you.  Take this cup from me.  Yet not what I will, but what you will."

O: Jesus knew what was coming.  He prayed that God would spare him the pain, but he did not waiver in his obedience.

A: What is in it for me?  Far too often that is where my thoughts go.  I place up my hand and choose to tell God, "That's far enough."  God does not promise earthly comforts or wealth.  By placing my own interests first I place myself first - I am the sinner.

P: Father, I am selfish - I am short sighted - I am the sinner.  Please forgive me - please use me for your Plan.  I place my hope and trust in the Lord God Almighty.  Who was, and is, and is to come.  May your kingdom reign and your will be done.  - Amen
- - - - - - - - -

Date: 12-12-12
S: Mark 14:64-65: "You have heard the blasphemy.  What do you think?" They all condemned him as worthy of death.  Then some began to spit at him; they blindfolded him, struck him with their fists, and said, "Prophesy!" And the guards took him and beat him.

O: And so begins the greatest act of Love.

A: I am those fists.  I am those hateful shouts.  Nothing I can ever do can take that away.  Yet, because of this incomprehensible love I am forgiven.  The weight of grace is fare too light in my life.  My actions do not reflect the cost paid for me to be a son.

P: Lord, I pray that my life, my energy, and my legacy would reflect the price paid.  My life was not free, and for me to hold that it was freely bought is another slap to your son's face.  Let my heart turn to you.  May my body be yours.  I ask you to move in me and transform me as you will. - Amen
- - - - - - - -

Date: 12-13-12
S: Mark 14:71: He began to call down curses on himself, and he swore to them, "I don't know this man you are talking about."

O: Despite his oaths and confidence, Peter turned on his lord when fear overtook him.  But Jesus and God did not falter in their Love for Peter.

A: I constantly fail - and I try to fix it.  God knows me better than I know myself (because I lie to myself constantly).  He does not expect me to come to Him perfected.  He has me flawed and He will make me perfect in His perfect way.

P: Lord, I have denied you more times than I can count.  Yet you love me.  You have not denied me.  I pray for strength to stand firm on your rock.  I thank you for grace incomprehensible. - Amen
- - - - - - -

Date: 12-16-12
S: Mark 15-15: Wanting to satisfy the crowd, Pilate released Barabbas to them.  He had Jesus flogged, and handed him over to be crucified.

O: Pilate knew Jesus was innocent, but he gave into the Jewish leaders to pacify them.

A: I have chosen to do what I know to be wrong in order to satisfy others. I have given into pressures and perceived pressures instead of acting in a way that I know to be right.  Being a coward is often easier than being brave.

P: Father, I am the sinner.  I have pushed your voice down so I could do wrong.  I pray for your forgiveness and thank you for the grace you offer.  I am truly not worthy - yet you love me.  I pray for transformation from a being of fear to one of light and courage - shaped in your likeness.  - Amen
- - - - - - -

Date: 12-23-12
S: 1 Corinthians 3:21-23: So then, no more boasting about men! All things are yours, whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future - all are yours, and you are of Christ, an Christ is of God.

O: Paul urged the Corinthians to remove all items that caused division.  The world, life, death, present or future - all are unknowns that we use to put others down, and build ourselves up.  Paul says that we are all level in Christ, as we are all children with God's inheritance.

A: As God's child I need to worry less about my situation, and worry more about my brothers and sisters.  The God of all has called me to Him! That is all I should ever boast of.

P: Father, forgive me for the pride and division that come so easily.  Help me to see with new eyes - to hear with open ears.  To pour my energies out instead of in.  Your love, your plan, is more than I could ever hope for.  Please do not let me forget. - Amen

Date: 12-26-12
S: 1 Cor: 4:4: My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent.  It is the Lord who judges me.

O: Paul tells us that though he is forgiven he is not innocent before the Lord.  He also reminds us that our opinion of ourselves is not relevant - only God is the judge of all.

A: My sins are forgiven only by grace.  I cannot "good" them away.  I must remember that I am not a judge and I don't get to say a thing about eternal affairs because I am not qualified to run my own life.  Humility needs to be a constant focus.

P: Father, I praise you for grace undeserved.  Thank you for forgiveness.  Please help me to remember that I am free because of you.  Because you chose to take my place.  I am only alive when I die into you.  Please help me to chose your life every day.  - Amen

Savoring Victory

     "It means," said Aslan, "that though the Witch knew the Deep Magic, there is a magic deeper still which she did not know.  Her knowledge goes back only to the dawn of Time.  But if she could have looked a little further back, into the stillness and the darkness before Time dawned, she would have read there a different incantation.  She would have known that when a willing victim who had committed no treachery was killed in a traitor's stead, the Table would crack and Death itself would start working backwards.  And now -"

     "Oh yes. Now?" said Lucy jumping up and clapping her hands.

     "Oh children," said the Lion, "I feel my strength coming back to me.  Oh, children, catch me if you can!"

      -- C.S. Lewis; The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe

 

 

 

 

 

This morning I was reading John 19 and 20.  This is where Jesus is turned over to the Romans, beaten, killed, and has risen again.  Christians know this story better than nearly any other in the Bible, and rightly we should since everything hinges on this event.  Today I was blindsided by a section that I've read over many times, but today the intimacy of the moment struck my heart in a way that has left me off balance all day.

 

So Peter and the other disciple started for the tomb.  Both were running, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first.  He bent over and looked in at the strips of linen lying there but did not go in.  Then Simon Peter, who was behind him, arrived and went into the tomb.  He saw the strips of linen lying there, as well as the burial cloth that had been around Jesus' head.  The cloth was folded up by itself, separate from the linen.  Finally the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went inside.  He saw and believed (They still did not understand from Scripture that Jesus had to rise from the dead.)

        -- John 20:3-9

 

The cloth was folded up by itself, separate from the linen .... holy cow.

 

I started to imagine what it was like for Jesus when he woke up.  What were those moments like when he opened his eyes, and felt his body again?  His last words were, "It is finished," and when he woke up it was finished.  He did not have to defeat death and sin anymore, it was done.  He had been given the most difficult job to do, and he saw it through to the most bitter end.  All of the fear, anxiety, pain, and betrayal was behind him - he had won the ultimate victory.  And then he woke up alone, wrapped, in the dark of a cave.

 

I imagine this was the most peaceful moment of His life.  I imagine that he let his body come back to him slowly starting at his fingers and toes then moving inward.  He took the time to fold the cloth that was covering his face.  He did not throw it off, he folded it and set it aside. 





 

 

 

 

I don't have any big spiritual insights in this.  I am just blown away by the peacefulness of the folded cloth.  It is such a simple act, but to me it speaks of a very introspective moment.  In my past, when I've moved onto a new adventure, I've been more intentional about saying goodbye.  I savor sights, smells, feelings so as to imprint them forever in my heart.  That is what the folding of the cloth speaks to me.  Jesus spent an unknowable time in that dark cave, savoring the feeling of a job perfectly completed to the glory of his Father.

 

Our God is amazing.





Who do you serve?

 It has been a long time since I last posted anything on my blog.  I felt like I was getting preachy and I didn't want to do that, so I stopped.  Just recently Kate suggested that I start writing again, and shortly after that I stumbled into the below during one of my morning devotionals.  My prayer is that this serves to strengthen my walk, and maybe challenge some of the ways in which we as Christians approach the world around us.

 

Here is the setup: Jesus had just healed a blind man by placing mud in the man's eyes and telling him to go wash the mud in a specific well.  The man did not know who had healed him, and the Pharisees (religious authority of the day) were questioning him.  I'm going to jump in mid-story.  If this is the first time you've read this, or like me, you've read this multiple times; focus in on what the Pharisees say and how they say it - then look at what Jesus says at the very end of the conversation ...

 

     A second time they summoned the man who had been blind, "Give glory to God," they said. "We know this man (Jesus) is a sinner."

    He replied, "Whether he is a sinner or not, I don't know. One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!"

    Then they asked him, "What did he do to you? How did he open your eyes?"

    He answered them, "I have told you already and you did not listen. Why do you want to hear it again? Do you want to become his disciples, too?"

    Then they hurled insults at him and said, "You are this fellow's disciple! We are disciples of Moses! We know that God spoke to Moses, but as for this fellow, we don't even know where he comes from."

    The man answered, "Now that is remarkable! You don't know where he comes from, yet he opened my eyes. We know that God does not listen to sinners.  He listens to the godly man who does his will.  Nobody has ever heard of opening the eyes of a man born blind.  If this man were not from God he could do nothing."

    To this they replied, "You were steeped in sin at birth, how dare you lecture us!"  And they threw him out.

    Jesus heard that they had thrown him out, and when he found him, he said, "Do you believe in the Son of Man?"

    "Who is he, sir?" the man asked. "Tell me so that I may believe in him."

    Jesus said, "You have now seen him; in fact, he is the one speaking with you."

    Then the man said, "Lord, I believe," and he worshiped him.

    Jesus said, "For judgment I have come into this world, so that the blind will see and those who see will become blind."

    Some Pharisees who were with him heard him say this and asked, "What? Are we blind too?"

    Jesus said, "If you were blind, you would not be guilty of sin; but now that you claim you can see, your guilt remains."

    -- John 9:24-41 NIV

 

 



 I have read this story more times than I know, but during a recent devotional I think I really paid attention for the first time.  I was blown away by the venom of the Pharisees and the depth and power of Jesus words at the close of the conversation.  I want to tackle both aspects in this post.

 

First off, the poison of the Pharisees.

 

You are steeped in sin, how dare you lecture us?  The Pharisees were talking with a man who was born blind, and could suddenly see.  Instead of approaching this situation with awe they saw it as an affront to their authority.  They refused to feel any wonder, and instead sought a way to manipulate the man to fit into their preconceived views.  When the man refused the Pharisees grew offended and cast the man out.

 

How easy is it to imagine those words to come from the pews of a church?  How dare you lecture us?  We know what is right. You are blind, and we can see - be gone from us!!  We place our fears, prejudices, cultural norms and traditions, and build those attributes into our vision of God.  We know that we are right because God is on our side.  We cast people out in his name, we draw lines and require that people conform to be like us before they are allowed to cross into the holy zone.  We take verses out of the Bible to justify our actions. 

 

If God calls it a sin it is a sin, and we cannot allow it to be in our midst.  So, if you will just admit that you are wrong and change you are welcome, but if you don't change you need to leave.

 

Think about this .... Jesus spent his time with sinners right? That's what we are taught.  But it was never Jesus who called these people sinners - it was the religious authority who defined the people as sinners.  It was the religious authority that separated "us" from "them".  The Pharisees were the ones picking up the stones, they were the ones looking for someone to step out of line.  They were the ugliness that the church shows the world to this day. 

 

Jesus just spent time with people.  Jesus treated people as special - not because they were sinners, but because they were.  He did not approach people as projects in need of fixing, he treated them as valuable because they had value.  The change he brought; people chose freely because of the love Christ gave them.  He offered love and grace to any who would accept it.  It seems that the people who claimed to be holy, who claimed to have sight were the ones who most often refused to see the grace offered them.

 

What exactly does it mean when he says, "If you were blind, you would not be guilty of sin..."?  It is one of those statements that does not seem to mesh with the teaching of the church.  The church often teaches that if a person does not accept Christ they are doomed, but that isn't what Jesus says here.  He seems to be saying that if a person does not know that they are blind they will not be held accountable for this - only those who claim to know the truth will be judged accordingly.

 

 

 

While this seems to clash with the teachings of men, it does seem to be in line with the spirit of God.  God tells us that He is a God of love, a God of grace, a God of mercy.  Condemnation does not seem to be an attribute that God would hold.  Yet, condemnation is what the church offers while it speaks of the love of God.

I think C.S. Lewis gave a beautiful illustration of God's spirit in the face of blindness in The Last Battle.  At this point in the story the known world has ended, and all that is left is the world beyond the worlds.  The children have encountered a youth by the name of Tisroc, who was a member of the peoples who had worked to destroy Narnia.  Tisroc was picked up by his god, Tash and carried into the world beyond the worlds.  If this makes no sense to you please read the entire Chronicles of Narnia series - it is a beautiful set of books.

... Then I fell at his feet and thought, Surely this is the hour of death, for the Lion (who is worthy of all honour) will know that I have served Tash all of my days and not him.  Nevertheless, it is better to see the Lion and die than to be Tisroc of the world and live and not to have seen him.  But the Glorious One bent down his golden head and touched my forehead with his tongue and said, Son, thou art welcome.  But I said, Alas, Lord, I am no son of Thine but the servant of Tash.  He answered, Child, all the service thou hast done to Tash, I account as service done to me.  Then by reason of my great desire for wisdom and understanding, I overcame my fear and questioned the Glorious One and said, Lord, is it then true, as the Ape said, that thou and Tash are one?  The Lion growled so that the earth shook (but his wrath was not against me) and said, It is false.  Not because he and I are one, but because we are opposites, I take to me the services which thou hast done to him, for I and he are of such different kinds that no service which is vile can be done to me, and none which is not vile can be done to him.  Therefore if any man swear by Tash and keep his oath for the oath's sake, it is by me that he has truly sworn, though he know it not, and it is I who reward him.  And if any man do a cruelty in my name, then though he says the name Aslan, it is Tash whom he serves and by Tash his deed is accepted ...

God does not judge us by the name that we claim - he judges us by who we actually serve.

My prayer is that any ugliness that I do would be revealed to me. Any attitudes of superiority or divisiveness would be stripped bare.  I want to love people not because of what I think they can do for me (or what I can do for them), but because they are special.  I want people to discover the amazing love that is offered to them from a God of endless love.  I want to reflect the love of the God I claim.

God is good.  God is love.  God loves every person as they are.  He does not require that we change to be loved, but he will change us if we accept that love.  It is another one of those things that is hard to understand, but that does not make it any less true.  He has perfection for us, and if we let him, he will take us there.  I don't know what that looks like - my guess is that it looks different for each of us, but I have faith that he is working on my heart for His glory.  Amen

Driving Myself Into Dead Ends

''I want the world. I want the whole world. I want to lock it all up in my pocket. It's my bar of chocolate. Give it to me now." - Veruca Salt; Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)

I am not a patient man.  I have heard it said that our entire generation wants everything now - I don't know about that, but I know that impatience has been a trait of mine for as long as I can remember.  I want results now, and if I can't get them I will either figure out a way to rush the system or I will look for something that will get me results quicker.  I don't like the growing process; I want fruit all of the time.  This impatience has applied to my work, my finances, and my spiritual life.

I do not like the growth phases of life - it feels like I am going nowhere, and so I try to rush the process along.

 

I have slowly come to realize the folly of this thought process.  It has caused me much more harm than good, and has often resulted in me setting myself back further than I would have been had I let the growing process take its course.  In my rush to get what I deserve, I position myself in a way that is much worse than where I was.  If this was a one-time thing I would not be so concerned, but it has been a life-long pattern that I cannot brush off.  It has been a distinct lack of maturity that has resulted in my life being built on shifting sand.

The most obvious result of this impatience setting me back has been in my jobs.  I had several very good positions in excellent companies, but I was always looking for that better opportunity.  I fueled myself with the belief that I was under-appreciated, underutilized, and under-compensated.  I created a vain two-headed monster: first, the monster of discontent, and second, the monster of self-superiority.  Because I nurtured and listened to these two ugly thoughts, I jumped jobs when I should have stayed and put myself into positions far worse than the ones I'd just left.  I also missed out on getting to know some truly exceptional people because I was too busy looking down on them - I wish I could go back and fix that, but time only moves one way.

Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), this monster of impatience did not check itself at the door when I returned to church.  After only a month back in the church, I began looking at other people's faiths and seeing the specks in their eyes.  It was easy to see the weaknesses of others, and by looking at those, it was easy to make myself feel good about my strength.  I began to feel like I should be volunteering, and being recognized for the strength of my faith.  I hadn't started praying, and I was not working to build my faith on the rock - I was just better than those other people and wanted the recognition due me.  I volunteered in positions that felt empty to me, but I was doing them because I knew it would lead to my recognition.  When it did not come I felt slighted.

Then, something happened; I took a look in the mirror and saw that I was building my faith on me.  I was not seeking God, I was not interested in repenting, I was placing all of my confidence and hope in the idol of Mark.  At that moment, when the veil was finally pulled, I had my first moment of spiritual vulnerability and was rocked to my core.  I apologized to God - over and over - then I allowed Him to forgive me.  In the past I held the responsibility; if I was going to come to God it would happen on my terms.  I realized that I did not need to be anything more than me in order to be in His love, and the less I tried to do for Him, the more He was able to do through me.

God is amazing.  He works through us to further His kingdom.  He loves us exactly as we are.  We do not have to impress God (we can't), we do not have to meet any certain criteria to come to Him - we only have to acknowledge that He is God and we are not.  We have to come to understand that there is nothing that we can do to earn His love - yet He loves us more deeply than we can understand.

It is so much easier to see weakness in another than it is to dive into ourselves, but that is not where God wants us to go.  We are called to be self-examining and to love others.  We are called to extend grace and acceptance with an understanding that each person who claims Christ is called to work out their own salvation with the King.  We are called to be humble, to build up those who the world puts down, to love our enemies, and lay our lives down for those we love.  We are not called to make ourselves feel better about our standing with the Lord.

Then his disciples began arguing about which of them was the greatest.  But Jesus knew their thoughts, so he brought a little child to his side.  Then he said to them, “Anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me also welcomes my Father who sent me. Whoever is the least among you is the greatest.” - Luke 9: 46-48

As I grow in Him, I worry less and less about how I am received by men.  The irony is that as I've learned to focus less on my accomplishments, God has placed me in situations where I am accomplishing more and more. 

Whenever my pride starts to raise its head, or I hear that voice urging me to grasp for more, I am reminded of the ransom paid for my life.  I am reminded that I am nothing without Him and that He is utterly complete without my contributions.  I am patient in the Lord because the victory is already won.  There is no better to get to - it is here with us.  We can only go deeper into His love and that cannot happen by our wills - only by His grace. 

Tonight I will close with some Paul followed by some Toby Mac.

Thanks for reading.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.  But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.  - Philippians 3: 12-14

Easter

If you haven't watched the video - please do so before reading this entry.  It puts it into words much better than I will.

---------

 

Today is the day - this is the one that our faith hinges on.  We spend more time on other holidays; Christmas, Thanksgiving, the 4th of July, even Halloween, but this is the day that truly matters.  Without today we would have no Christmas - the others don't even register on the radar when it comes down to importance, but they get a larger slice of our attention.  Maybe its because this is a holiday that is difficult to commercialize (I mean, how far can you really push the bunny thing?).  Maybe its because of the brutality that leads up to this day.  Maybe there is a certain level of guilt because we know that our sins are why this had to happen; we get a historical picture of the wages of our sins.

I don't have an answer for why we give so little attention to Easter.  I just know that I need to change that in my heart.  Today is the day.  Today is the day that my soul was bought.  Today is the day that freedom came to this world.

For the Maker is your husband -

  the Lord Almighty is his name -

              the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;

        he is called the God of all the earth.

Isaiah 54:5

 

We are his bride. 

Think about that image for a second.  If you are married, think about your wedding day; think about the anticipation you felt, think about the awe that you experienced.  Is that how you think of Jesus?

He is our bridegroom.  He loves us more dearly than we can imagine.  He placed himself in front of our deaths.  He washed us clean and purified us with a love that we cannot understand.  He loves us with a passion and power beyond description, and far too often, we return love at our convenience - if at all.

We are thankful for his sacrifice.  We are grateful that he died in our place.  We are glad it was him and not us who went through that horrific experience.  But, if we are honest with ourselves (again, much harder than it should be), very few of us love him with the passion of a bride.

Recently, I have had these moments where I am hit by the power of His love.  A song will come on or I will have a thought, and I will be suddenly overwhelmed; my heart catches and tears fill my eyes because I see that He loves me more deeply than I understand to be possible.  These moments are beautiful - they are what I hope eternity will be.  To be in the presence of Love, forever adoring the One who loves us more purely and deeply than we can fathom ...

My prayer is that I move into love.  My heart longs to be in a place where I am in a state of anticipation to be united with the one who loves me perfectly.

Today is the day - the day when our bridegroom was crowned the King.

Holy Holy,
Holy Holy,
Holy Holy,
Is the Lord Almighty

Embracing Doubt

Those who say that they believe in God and yet neither love nor fear him, do not in fact believe in him, but in those who have taught them that God exists.  Those who believe that they believe in God, but without passion in their heart, any anguish of mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, without an element of despair even in their consolation, believe only in the God-idea, not in God.
    - Miguel de Unamuno c/o Rumors of God

(Job speaking to God)
"You asked me, 'Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance?'
It is I - and I was talking about things I knew nothing about, things far too wonderful for me."
    - Job 42:3

This has been another week of the same theme coming at me from multiple angles.  I'm learning to pay attention.

Several years ago I went through a spiritual struggle.  I walked away from the church.  I walked away from any semblance of a relationship with God.  I looked in my heart and concluded that I did not believe in God.  I believed that god was created by man as a way to explain the unexplainable in the world.

This did not come out of the blue, but was a slow drip that drained my spirit.  Before this happened I tried to be spiritual.  I tried to pray, but nothing happened.  I tried to be involved in the right groups, but felt like a hypocrite.  When I prayed I would talk and talk at God, and as far as I could tell, nothing was happening.  I was discouraged and annoyed.  I doubted God's power, his goodness, his willingness or ability to work in my little world.  Then, very slowly, I began to realize that I may have never really believed in God, but instead had believed in the idea of God.  I realized that I did not want to believe in an impotent, weakling god - yet this is exactly the god that I had constructed in my heart.  I did not worship this god, I didn't even respect it.  So I walked away.

Several years later, I felt a tug at my heart.  A whisper in my soul beckoning me.  For the first time in years I prayed - I asked God to make Himself known to me.  I asked God to tear down the false idol in my god-place and begin to reveal Himself to me.  This prayer set my spirit on a journey that has rocked me to my core - it has changed everything.  The God of the Universe, the great I AM has replaced the flaccid unrespectable deity that once loomed so large in my life.

Paul advised the Philippians to:

... continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
    - Philippians 2:12-13

Most of us treat God casually - the casual prayer thrown up right before a meal or as we drift off to sleep, well intended promises to read our Bible tomorrow (a promise we have no intention of keeping), thoughts about serving those in need ... someday.  God is not feared, God is not honored - we acknowledge Him with our lips, but most often our belief goes no deeper.  How can we claim that we truly believe in a God who literally spoke the Universe into motion, when we doubt that this same God has the ability to act in our lives?

Work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you.

God - works in you.

The God that spoke and there was light.  The God that wrote the Law that you broke.  The God who is the only authority.  The one who is I AM. 

God - works in you.

If you do not fear God, I encourage you to look at what you think you know of God.  Is your god dangerous?  Is your god powerful beyond understanding?  If you approach your god without uncertainty, without anguish, without reverence and an understanding that you do not deserve to be heard by Him, if you approach your god without love for Him because he is, then you probably need to begin wrestling with your faith. 

When I first started to question my belief in God I believed I was doomed.  I believed that there was no room for doubt in a Christian's life - doubt was what those on the path to hell do.  However, as I went through this process I began to see it in a different way: I began to understand that doubt is healthy and necessary.  I realized that doubt is better than certainty because when we doubt we are open to seeing something new, whereas when we are certain we do not look for answers because we already know them.  The road of doubt was actually the road to life.

The working out of our salivations is not an easy process, nor is it comfortable.  We have to learn to die unto ourselves.  We have to come to the point where we approach the throne of grace with fear and trembling because we understand that we are not worthy.  We have to come to a place where we accept that we are accepted not because of anything we have done, but because God made a way for us to be in relation with Him.  We have to realize that we will never understand Him - He is beyond us on every level, yet he loves us more ferociously than we can understand.  For some reason, this God of power and beauty has claimed us as His children.

My prayer is that God uses this to shake some faiths loose from the grip of comfort - that He begins to reveal himself to you in ways that you did not think possible.  My prayer is that your certainty is dislodged and that you voice your doubts to God (you cannot hurt his feelings - plus, he already knows what you are thinking).  My prayer is that we start being honest with ourselves regarding our faith, and thereby create room for God to reveal Himself to us.  My prayer is that every one of us sees God for who He is instead of what we make him to be.

What's in a Name?

You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.
  - John 14:14

I have been mulling over how to approach prayer as a topic, which is probably good since prayer is something that should be mulled over much more often than it is.  Prayer is one of our links to the Creator who allows us to call Him "Father".  It is not the only link, but it is a very important one and should receive more attention than we generally give it.

Recently, I heard someone say that they no longer believed in God because He did not answer a prayer in the way they wanted.  This is not the first time I've heard this, and so I began really thinking about prayer and our expectations. The people I've talked to believed that God did not care for them because they prayed for something and the result did not come out the way they wanted.  They used the above verse as proof that God does not keep His word.  My guess is that more than a few shaky walks have crumbled because a prayer was not answered.  If God isn't going to give us what we want why should we even bother?

I want to take a different look at this verse because I see a great deal of promise in it, but also a much larger challenge.  The first is to look at the verses leading up to this one:

Jesus answered: "Don't you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father.  How can you say, 'Show us the Father'? The words I say to you are not just my own.  Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work.  Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the miracles themselves.  I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing.  He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.  And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father.  You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."
  - John 14:9-14

When we pray, are we doing the work of the Father, or are we praying for our own gain?  Do we demonstrate our faith in Jesus by doing what he did on earth, or are we working the angles so that the final outcome is our comfort and happiness?  What does it even look like to pray like a true follower of Christ?

When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
  - James 4:3

In my own walk, I've found that I have a difficult time turning away from my wants.  I live in the prism of me, so my entire perception of the world is skewed to the single viewpoint through which I view it.  From this vantage point it makes perfect sense that my prayers should be directed back toward my own happiness.  However, this is not the example set by Jesus.  Jesus placed others first, and above all, he submitted himself to the Father's will.

Do you think Jesus the man wanted to die the way he did?  He knew what was coming (he even asked that the cup be taken from him) yet he submitted to the Father's will and paid the horrific price for our freedom.  Even as he was being suffocated on the cross his prayer was for those around him.

Contrast that to your prayer life.  Are you submitting yourself to the Father's will?  Are you seeking His guidance for your life?  Or are you, like I usually am, treating God like a haloed-Santa in the sky?  Do you spend time talking with God, listening to Him, and striving to be more like Him, or do you swing your spirit into the Drive-Through of Soul just long enough to toss out your order before you go back to life?

 

 

 

There has been one time in my life when I prayed fully in the Spirit and knew without a doubt that my prayer would be answered.  There was something different about the prayer, and about my spirit in that moment: in that moment I felt a peace and power that I did not understand; it was greater, deeper, and more peaceful than anything I'd imagined possible.  But, as soon as the moment was gone I congratulated myself on the prayer.  I allowed myself to become proud of how holy I was for that second in time.  I turned the prism back on to me and my focus moved away from God.

When Jesus taught us to pray he gave us what we now call the Lord's prayer.

Our Father, who is in Heaven; Holy is your name.  Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.  Give us this day, our daily bread (physical and spiritual), and forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.  Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.  For Yours is the Kingdom, Yours is the Power, Yours is the Glory - Forever.

Look at the structure of this prayer - who did Jesus place first?  Who's will did he place first?  Did he ask for comfort and blessings?  No, he asked for daily bread and then forgiveness.  He directed his prayer to the glory of the Father.  He turned away from himself and gave glory where glory was due.

How much more impactful would your prayer walk be if you stopped worrying about yourself and gave that time to worshiping God?  Isn't that what we are hoping for at the end of all things: the chance to be in the presence of God and sing his praises?

My prayer is that each of us turn our gaze away from ourselves, and instead turn it to the one worthy of all praise.  I am confident that if we spent our energy worshiping Him, asking for His guidance, and praying for His will, our prayers would be much more impactful in this world in need of Him.

I am going to close today's post with another quote from my favorite author, Mr. C.S. Lewis.  This quote has challenged my perception of Jesus more than any other because it is so simple, yet so profound.

“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver; “don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”  

We want Jesus to be a tame lion, we want God to be safe, we want a kitten where we have a lion.  We want Him to answer our prayer because we say it is in Jesus name, but we do not really pray in his name - we only use it as a bargaining chip. 

Jesus is not safe, he is not tame, he is not to be used as a bargaining chip, he did not come here and die so you could use him as a genie.  God spoke and there was light.  God does not cater to us.  He is entirely complete without you and without me.

But he is good.  He is the King.  Seek and you shall find, ask and the door shall be opened to you.  If we direct our attention to Him, our prayers will no longer look toward our own comforts.  Instead of our own wills, we will seek that His will be done on earth as it is done in Heaven.  Once we move beyond praying for selfish reasons; we will begin to enter into the prayer that He has for us.  Then we will begin to understand what he meant when he said:

And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father.  You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.

Stewardship - It's More Than You Think

stew·ard·ship

/ˈstuərdʃɪp, ˈstyu-/ Show Spelled [stoo-erd-ship, styoo-]  

noun

1. the position and duties of a steward, a person who acts as the surrogate of another or others, especially by managing property, financial affairs, an estate, etc.

2. the responsible overseeing and protection of something considered worth caring for and preserving

 

(Obtained from Dictionary.com)

- - - - - - - - -

 

The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it,

the world, all who live in it;

for he founded it upon the seas

and established it upon the waters.

- Psalm 24:1-2

 

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your body.

 - 1 Corinthians: 6:19-20

 

Let's start with this: God owns everything.  He created it all.  The air you breathe, the ground you walk on, the light you see, the very atoms that make you up ... God's. 

 

In this light, I've started re-examining how I treat my spiritual gifts and my physical body.  Stewardship is most often used in the context of finance, and financial stewardship is certainly a part of the whole, but it is not the whole picture.  We are called to be responsible with our money and to use it wisely, but we are also called to be responsible with our bodies, time, talents, weaknesses, and ... really, anything else you can think of.

 

God the Father has entrusted us with this time.  He has given you the gifts of your spirit and physical realm and they are yours to use as you see fit, but once you are done with them they will be returned to the owner.  So, with that in mind what are we to do with the time and talents entrusted to us?  Should we bury them out of fear that we will ruin them and anger the owner, or should we try to use them and risk making a mistake?  The answer to this question is found in the book of Matthew:

 

Matthew 25:14-28 tells the parable of the loaned money.  Jesus tells a story about a rich master who goes away on a journey.  Before he goes, he entrusts three of her servants with a small portion of his treasure.  To the first he gives five pieces of gold, to the second two, and to the third one.  The man who received the five pieces immediately invested it and he quickly doubled the investment, the man who received the two pieces did the same.  The man who received the single piece dug a hole in the ground and hid the money.

 

After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them.  The man who had received five talents brought the other five. "Master," he said, "you entrusted me with five talents.  See, I have gained five more."

 

His master replied, "Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things.  Come and share your master's happiness!"

 

The same happened with the second servant who had also doubled the portion given to him.  However, when the servant who had been granted the single talent approached:

 

"Master," he said, "I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where have not scattered seed.  So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground.  See, here is what belongs to you."

 

The master responded to this by casting the man out, taking his talent and giving it to the man who had five.

 

We are entrusted with much on this earth.  We each have been given specific talents and gifts - each according to our ability - and they are yours to use as you will.  Many people choose to live in fear and hide their talents.  This seems like the safe thing to do since we cannot ruin what we do not risk, but it is not what God wants you to do with the gifts he has given you.  He wants you to grow, he wants you to create, he wants you to build upon the greatness that he has given you.  We are responsible for the overseeing and protection of something considered worth caring for and preserving.

 

 

 

One thing to keep in mind: God has granted talents to each of us according to our ability.  He did not hand out skills to everyone in the same measure.  I've spent a good deal of time looking at the gifts of others and comparing myself to them.  When I do this I focus on what I don't have - I focus on how much better the other person is at their talent than I am.  I see the man with five talents and envy him instead of being grateful for the two granted to me.

 

For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?

 - 1 Corinthians 4:7

 

The thing to realize is that you were granted the talents that you have for a reason.  You were designed to use your gifts to the fullest of your ability, and not to worry about the gifts granted to someone else.  If you use your talents to their fullest, you will find that you will be full and will have more than enough to do.  And, as you prove faithful with the portion given you; the Father will give you more to manage.

 

Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All of these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as he determines.

- 1 Corinthians 12:7-11 (Italics added by me)

 

 

How are you managing your talents?  How are you caring for the burden allocated to you? Are you looking for ways to invest what you have to produce life?  Are you protecting that which God has deemed worth caring for and preserving?  If God were to come to you today and ask you to return His gifts would he thank you for your work?  If the answer is no, then it is time to turn that around.  The Creator of the Universe has placed inside of you gifts unique to you alone.  He has given you the mind and body necessary to multiply those gifts. 

 

You were chosen to be the steward of your gifts - God does not make mistakes, so your gifts are perfectly suited to you.  If you choose to nurture them they will be fruitful to the Glory of the Lord.

 

Let the Lord be glorified today!

Hey, Jerk! There's a speck in your eye!

Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out of your eye," when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?
- Matthew 7:1-5

I was trying to think of a topic to write about for the last couple of days and was not having much luck - then thanks to a political Facebook thread I wandered into today, I found the perfect subject: Grace and Judgement.

Facebook seems to be the place where people feel free to take what should be a private thought (some probably not even then), and place it online for the world to see.  Things that would never be said in public are fearlessly typed and posted - offense is taken and the offended person then takes their should-not-be-uttered thoughts and blasts them out into cyberspace toward the offendee.  Further offense is taken and more offense is dished out.  It quickly dissolves into a vicious circle where everyone is e-shouting and nobody is e-listening - everyone is right and everyone is wrong at the same time.

Judgment and wrath are doled out while grace (whenever offered) is usually trampled on by declarations of supremacy.

Today's thread left me feeling discouraged and sad and made me question why I even bother dipping my toe into those kinds of topics.  The question posted was actually a very thoughtful, but the answers that came pouring in were, for the most part, anything but.

The Internet seems to be a place where manors are thrown out of the window, but just because we are having a discussion online does not mean that we should feel free to de-humanize people.  As Christians we are called to love; always.  We are called to examine the situation of our own hearts before worrying about the condition of another person's life.  Look at the verse at the top again ... the measure that you use to judge will be the measure used to judge you - yikes.

Recently, I read this verse and was hit with another one of those spiritual bricks that shook my entire foundation.  I started examining the inner-thoughts and judgements in my heart and realized that I am much more flawed than I give myself credit for.  Since then, I have made it a regular point in my prayer to ask for forgiveness for judgment I pass on others.  I ask for help in identifying when the judgemental me begins to raise up, and I ask for help in muting that voice in hopes that God will transform my heart to the point where I see others through Christ's eyes instead of through my self-superior view.  I don't know if I'll ever get to a point where I am able to go through a day without this sin raising it's ugly head, but I am hopeful.  Currently I have problems with judging people who I deem to be judgemental ... hypocrite?  Yes, I am.

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness.
 - James 3:9

Only once I admitted that I was double-minded, that I was a hypocrite, that I was judgemental and self-righteous, was I able to allow God to begin working on me.  When I held onto the belief that I was okay and that I did not have a problem with judging; I put my faith in my own power, in my own pride.  This pride in turn, allowed me to feel that I was better at not judging than others - which in itself was a judgement on them.  Double-minded?  Yes, I am.

We need to confess our judgement before the Judge.  We need to admit that we are not always right.  We need to realize that the person on the other end of the blog / forum / post is a human - that they were created in God's likeness just as we were.  We need to learn to repay ugliness with kindness, judgement with forgiveness, death with life.  We must bend our knees and submit ourselves so God can work us toward the perfection that He has for us.

I am hopeful that some day I will be free from this sin.  I've admitted that I will not be able to do this on my own, but I know that God can mould me to the point where my first reaction is love and compassion. 

Some day I hope to see the world as He sees it, though I fear that my heart may break if that truly happens.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness - why do we struggle so much with offering it?  Our Father has offered us forgiveness, yet we often have trouble extending it to our fellow human beings.  We tell ourselves that there are many reasons we withhold forgiveness, but in reality the reason we hold onto hurts boils down to pride.  We feel that we are justified in holding onto our hurt, we feel that we are owed an apology, we feel that we need to stew on the bitterness because it is our due.

What if God held that same attitude toward you?  God has offered you forgiveness for your sins, so who are you to be justified in withholding forgiveness for an other's sin?  The Bible speaks over and over again about the importance of forgiveness - as followers of Christ we are called to emulate him and the Father and forgive.  We are not called to forgive when someone is sorry, but to forgive always.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
  - Matthew 6:14-15

Forgiveness is a trait of our Father and our Savior.  How could we possibly claim to be followers of God the Father and Jesus if we refuse to follow the example he set before us?  What would Jesus call us if we explained to him that we appreciate his forgiveness, but that we just can't forgive someone for their sins against us?  Hypocrite? Double minded? Sinner?  Yes, yes, and yes.

We are called to forgive. We are called to forgive lies, cheats, pains, abuses, hypocrisy, theft, even unforgivenss. Our forgiveness cannot be predicated by someone else's actions. As followers of Christ we are called to be His example to the world. As he said, we will be forgiven as we forgive. How many people have allowed their pride to separate themselves from the Love that is offered to us? We cannot be followers of Christ if we refuse to follow him. As James said:

What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him?

Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do. You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that - and shudder.
- James 2:14 , 18-19

In my life, it has been easiest to withhold forgiveness is when the person who hurt me refused to acknowledge that fact.  I've told myself, "I am not going to forgive until they apologize."  Yet that flies in the face of what Christ did for me.  Even at the point of the greatest pain of his life, he offered forgiveness to those who had no desire for it, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." - Luke 23:35

Forgiveness is a fruit of the Spirit.  Forgiveness is a sign of a follower of Christ.  As we move forward in our journey with Christ it should be something that comes easier and easier, but it will never come without some measure of pain - true life rarely does.  We have to learn to let it go, to give our hurt over to God and allow Him to take it away from us. 

If you are struggling with unforgiveness, I encourage you to pray.  Ask God to show you the splinters of bitterness that you hang onto and allow him to remove them from your heart.  When I first prayed this prayer I was amazed by the years of small hurts that I was clinging to - things I hadn't thought of in years, yet I could recall with perfect clarity because I refused to let them go.  It was a painful process, yet once it was done I felt a freedom I'd never even imagined could exist.  More amazing than the years of bitterness revealed was the lightness of my spirit once the weight of my burden was lifted.  The Freedom of Christ is truly fantastic.

For more on forgiveness and the cancer of unforgivenss I strongly recommend the book The Bait of Satan by John Bevere.  It isn't an easy read, but it will help shine a light on how destructive offense and unforgivenss are in your spirit.  I also encourage you to find a group of believers to discuss this with as talking through it can be very helpful in releasing the pains of the past.  Christ has freedom waiting for you, but you must let go of your pride and forgive as you are forgiven.  As C.S. Lewis says in The Great Divorce:

There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, 'Thy will be done,' and those to whom God says in the end, 'Thy will be done.'

As always, the choice to live in freedom is yours - what will you do with it?

Love Like a Man

Since today is Valentine's Day it seems fitting to launch into my thoughts on marriage, fatherhood, and God's word regarding man-hood.

Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself.  After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of his body.  "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."  This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the church.  However, each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself ... 
   -- Ephesians 5:25-33

What does it mean to love as Christ loved the church?  How different is the love that we offer compared to this kind of love?

Jesus died for us.  His death was the single greatest act of love.  He went into pain so that we might find life.  He lead, he taught, he nurtured and lifted up.  He gave utterly of himself with no expectation of receiving in return.  He loved completely and perfectly.  That is how we are called to love. 

It is much easier to receive than it is to give.  It is easy to go through life waiting for your next payment, for (insert object of your desire) because you deserve it.  It is easy to resent those who do not recognize the fact that you are due your reward for whatever it is you believe you have done.  This is especially easy to do in the confines of marriage.  Needs go unspoken, unheard, and unacknowledged until the ground is burnt and walls are built.

Husbands, you are called to love your wives as Christ loved the church.  You are called to give yourself completely for the betterment of your wife - unto your death.  You are called to lift her up in all that you do.  You are called to love.  Love is not a feeling, but a choice.  It is the act of placing another first in all that you do.  It is the act of sacrificing comfort for life. You are called to place her in front of your own interests in all things. You are called to present her to yourself as a radiant body - holy and pleasing.

I am going to come back to this verse over and over again because it is a pivotal verse in my life.  When we discussed this in pre-marital counseling I realized how much responsibility was on me to make this marriage work.  That without my making the choice to love my wife every day there was nothing that could make the marriage work.  In his discussion of marriage, Paul dedicates three times as many words for the husband as he does for the wife.  This is not to say that the wife does not have a difficult task (she has to honor and respect us - not easy at all), but everything hinges on the husband living up to his end of the bargain.

 

If you love your wife she will respect you.  If you love your wife she will gladly submit to your leadership.  If she knows that you love her, that you will always place her needs first, that your priority is your love for her, she will follow you to the ends of the world.  Through sickness and health, through richer and poorer, through laughter and tears, until death do you part.

Break the Box

In my last post, I noted that I was reading a book called The Evolution of Faith - I would not recommend this book to anyone who is not very certain in their faith.  There are some interesting ideas and concepts, but overall I would not recommend the book.  There are not many times where I say with some certainty that someone is in the wrong profession, but I have serious misgivings that the author of this book is a pastor, and my prayers go out to him and his congregation.  Just like I wouldn't trust a doctor who does not believe that study, practice, and staying current on medical research are important to his trade; I have trouble with a pastor who does not pray, refers to Jesus as a prophet, and dismisses most of the Bible as antiquated mythology.  I am all for being progressive and inclusive, but this seemed to go beyond a line that I am not willing to cross.  I do not claim any authority since there is only one true judge, but where this man's spiritual quest has taken him does not feel right to my heart.

With that said, I want to focus in on what I took as the overall (unintended) message from this book: we need to be very careful about the box we place around God.  Note that I didn't say that we should be careful about putting God in a box because I think we all do this.  Our perspective is trapped in time and space and our ability to grasp concepts only goes so far.  Instead, we need to be aware of the box that we create and understand that it is not God, but it is the limit of our ability to understand Him. 

God is bigger than we can imagine. 
        Infinite
              Omnipresent
                       Omniscient
                                Omnipowerful

These are all words that we can conceptually understand, but if you really try to make it into something concrete it slips through your fingers - it's like trying to grab a fist full of the ocean.

 

 

When Moses asked God who he was his answer was simple, and amazingly profound.

I AM.

It is when we take our time-trapped, finite, self-absorbed views of God and make them our own truth that we fall into trouble.  When I make God take on my priorities, my wishes, focus on my plan, and my life I am no longer worshiping God.  And a god of my own making is sure to let me down because it is of me.

I wish I had a quick fix secret to breaking the barriers of the God box.  In my life, it seems that the walls go up silently until suddenly my faith begins to feel a bit stagnant and I look around and notice that I've done it again.  In my prayers I try to acknowledge this and extend my prayer out to God as He knows Himself to be - not how I understand Him.  This simple phrase has helped me to keep my eyes out for the limits I place on God, and understand that they are by my own making.

I find peace in knowing that there is only one Truth.  My opinion of God is irrelevant.  He is as He understands himself to be.  He is I AM.

I will close tonight's post with the words from Paul's letter to the Ephesians:

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!  Amen

Amen

It is for Freedom

It's amazing how life (and the spiritual journey) can take on themes that seem to repeat everywhere you turn.  Recently we've been singing a song at church that says, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  What will we do with it, what will we do with freedom?"  This comes from Galatians 5:1: It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

Two weeks ago, mid-song, I stopped and really started thinking about the power of that line.  Christ has set us free - he gave us freedom, and we have the choice on what we will do with that freedom.  The realization that I have been given freedom, suddenly hit me, and the weight of that freedom was much heavier than I could have imagined.

Today I ran into the second piece that fits into this theme ...

I am reading one of the more challenging books that I've come across; The Evolution of Faith by Phillip Gulley.  He is a Quaker minister, and though he has a few theological viewpoints that I can't agree with; he also has some insights that make me re-evaluate my supposed understanding of my faith.

I have been wrestling with trying to ascertain God's will for my life.  What does God want me to do?  What kind of job should I have?  Where will we live when we retire?  I worry that I will chose incorrectly and send myself down a rabbit trail that will result in time and life wasted.  This worry has had two main consequences in my life: First, I've been reluctant to commit to a career, instead I have jumped from place to place hoping to find that job that will clearly show me that I am in God's will and leave me both spiritually and financially prosperous.  Second, I have often been paralyzed with fear and have not acted when I should have for fear that I will move outside of God's will for my life.

Through watching my life unfold; I realize that my lack of commitment and paralyzing fear are exactly the opposite of what God wants for my life.  They are the yoke of slavery Paul warned the Galatians against.  I've even felt a presence say to me, "I don't care what you do, just do something," but even with this feeling, I've often sat on my hands because I am not sure if that is me or God speaking, and the fear that it is me freezes me into my paralysis. And so on, and so on.

In regards to the idea of looking for God's direction in my life, Mr. Gulley wrote a very interesting section that I will put in verbatim below:

Over the years, persons have come to me expressing concern that they weren't following God's will for their lives, inferring God's will was a very specific and unique course of action God intended their lives to take.  They believe God wants them to marry certain persons, work at specific vocations, have a certain number of children, live in a particular home, spend their money in a certain way, and attend a specific church.  They worry that they have misunderstood God's particular will for their lives and consequently are living outside the range of God's blessing and protection.  They believe God not only has a specific plan for their lives, they believe God has a unique plan or will for each person and that our earthly task is to discern and follow that single path in order to be happy and fulfilled.

 

It is almost impossible to exaggerate the number of people who worry, obsessively so, that they are living outside God's will, causing themselves unnecessary emotional distress in their belief God will punish them for their live's direction.  While I admire these persons' desire to be faithful, I'm confused by their anxieties.  First, such a belief is contrary to our conviction that God is love.  Why would a God of love be primarily about punishment and retribution?  Secondly, it seems contradictory to speak of a God who has given us free will and at the same time has devised a precise plan for our lives that must be followed for us to be blessed.  It suggests God is double-minded, extending the gift of human freedom one moment, then punishing us for exercising that freedom the next moment.

There is a lot to unpack in this section, but for tonight I am going to focus on the freedom in these words.  God does not have a specific plan for my life that I need to figure out in order to live according to his will.  He does not require that I fit into a specific slot in order for me to have the fullness of life that He has for me.  Instead, He wants me to move daily toward Him.  He wants me, in everything I do, to strive to be His hands and feet to the world.  In my daily walk I am free to make my choices, but He is hoping that I will in everything choose love.

God is our Father.  He loves us as a father loves his children.  A father does not dictate his children's lives to them in order for them to receive his blessing.  Instead, a father loves his children by giving them the freedom to make their own decisions, to chose their own paths.  A father hopes that his children will grow into thoughtful, kind, compassionate, loving adults.  A father understands that these attributes are much more important to the central character and happiness of his children than their chosen professions, places of residence, mate, etc.

To speak of God's will is to speak of God's general hope for our lives, which is our growth in love and mercy, our increase in wisdom, and our commitment to justice and integrity.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. What will we do with it, what will we do with freedom?

Our lives are our own to live.  We are not constrained in our choices - God has even given us the authority to choose the fate of our souls.  (Think about the weight of the freedom in that sentence for a moment.)  My hope is that I choose each day to grow toward love and mercy, to increase in wisdom and commit to justice and integrity.  I want to know my Father in whatever way He will allow Himself to be known to me.

 

My prayer is that my spirit would embrace this freedom.  My prayer is that I would be released from the chains of my fear and that I would begin to live a life of bold action.  My prayer is that my Father would teach me how to walk in his footsteps, how to love like he loves, and live the kind of life that He hopes for me.  My prayer is that I begin to focus less on where I am going and what I may be doing, and more on the opportunities before me.  My prayer is that my concerns and worries cease to be about me, and instead turn toward the cold, the hungry, the oppressed and the forgotten. I want to use the freedom granted to me in a way that my father will say "well done" when I finally come home.