- JRR Tolkein; The Fellowship of the Ring
Life can't be described in many other ways than difficult right now. Any post that starts off with Bilbo Baggins telling Gandalf about the toll the Ring has had on him cannot be a good one.
Parenting is burying us. We cannot get a break, and we are at our whits end. This year has been harder than any other, and it feels like the only answer we get to prayer is "Wait" and/or "No". I want to throw up my hands and walk away, and I know that my beautiful wife feels the same way.
This has been a very hard year on our marriage. We have had more arguments and difficult nights in the last 9 months than the total accumulated over the previous 8 years. We are tired, frustrated, and lost in a sea of kids and all of their self-centered demands.
The one relationship that is the most valuable, the most important, and the most precious is the one that takes the brunt of the storm.
I don't have any deep things to say today. I am at a loss for words, and feel totally helpless. So, my plan for tonight is to simply write out a prayer, and hope for a lifeline.
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Father God, I need your help.
I am tired. Tired of waiting, tired of fighting, tired of struggling against a wind that only seems to grow stronger each day. My soul is discouraged, and my marriage battered. I am a tattered man, Father.
I feel like David when he cried out:
My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why are you so far away when I groan for help? Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer. Every night you hear my voice, but I find no relief.
What are you doing? What are we doing here? Why does the door continue to close in our face with only silence as an answer to prayers? Are we doing something wrong? What do you have for us that we can do so we can get out of here?
I don't know why you picked Kate and me to be parents to these kids. We are not qualified. We make so many mistakes, and do not have the patience to do this. Yet, here we are. So, you have to be there behind it right?
I am clinging to the hope that you have not forgotten us. It sounds so foolish to admit, but it feels like you have abandoned us to fend for ourselves out here.
Turn to me and have mercy, for I am alone and in deep distress. My problems go from bad to worse. Oh, save me from them all!
I pray for my wife. Father, I lift Kate to you. She takes the full force of the stresses, and has no where to turn. May I somehow be the husband that she needs me to be. You call me to love her like Jesus loved the church, and I fail daily in this regard. God, she is the most precious person to me on the face of this earth. I love her as best as I can, and yet, I know that it is never going to be enough. Fill her with your love, Jesus. Whisper your peace to her heart each and every day.
I lay this marriage at your feet. I release it to your care. You alone are able to walk us through the storm, You alone are able to calm the waves and speak peace over the waters of our heart. I lay it down Father, and beg you to hold us together.
Help us Father. Help us weather this current onslaught, and those unseen waves that are already headed our way. We are battered, exhausted, and vulnerable. Please, lay a cover over us, and tend to our wounds.
May you be glorified in this home. May you be glorified in this family. May you be glorified in this marriage. May your Kingdom come, and will be done, as earth as it is in Heaven.
Amen
